Boo! An Akatsuki Halloween
by JeffC FTW
Summary: Itachi has difficulty raising his brother after their parents' deaths - especially on the scariest night of the year. But he and his Akatsuki friends will have something more fiendish to deal with besides the misbehaving Sasuke, Naruto and their cohorts. Modern AU.
1. Devil Incarnate

**Even though we are FAR from Halloween this year, I'd been inspired by a hilarious as hell movie by Tyler Perry, "Boo! A Madea Halloween" - and as you can see also worked its way as part of this story's title. Basically, teenage Sasuke is causing mayhem for his older brother a few years after their parents died (in short, he's raised by Itachi). Poor Itachi, having done the best he could, has enlisted the help of his friends in Akatsuki to make sure his troublemaking baby brother does not slip out of the house on Halloween to be with Naruto, their girlfriends and their friends to a party - but it does not stop there. Itachi and the gang find themselves fending off and running from all kinds of fiends on the scariest night of the year. XD Baby bro isn't the only issue to handle with here.**

 **This fic is rated for suggestive content, swearing (notably from Hidan, but everything except the F-bomb is shown), as well as horrific humor. XD Get the picture?**

 **Disclaimer: should be obvious. The great Kishimoto-san owns everything, not me or anyone else. Also, nothing of the Madea movie and inspiration belongs to me either (no quotes, no character points or anything), but to the uber awesome Tyler Perry. :D**

Chapter One

Devil Incarnate

Naruto Uzumaki loved Halloween. Even in the last year of high school, he much looked forward to it with his girlfriend.

Sasuke Uchiha, however, used to love Halloween up until his parents died. It marked the anniversary of their deaths. The very same day that big brother assumed the burden of looking after his baby sibling.

Which gave Itachi Uchiha himself all the more reason to never look forward to Halloween with his friends, either.

Which brought to this year's dilemma, on this very day reaching the evening when the youngest Uchiha and only Uzumaki child both began to exit Konoha High School with their girlfriends and their group of friends on his tail. He had time to spare before the devil himself arrived to pick him up. _Anything to avoid me and Naruto getting entangled with the crowd again._

"Sasuke-kun!" On cue, his girlfriend and one of his best friends from childhood, Sakura Haruno, flounced his way in her dotted red dress and petal-hued hair cut like a pixie. She placed a kiss on his cheek. She was a light contrast to his all-black "emo rocker" attire - everything from his t-shirt and jeans to the wristbands and his hair spiked in the back like a duck's ass - as Naru-dobe called since they were kids. Around his neck was the chain holding the red-and-white fan of the Uchiha. Long passed from generation to generation.

And on cue, the dobe himself in his bright orange sweatset and his lovely opal-eyed girlfriend Hinata, in a lovely off-shoulder purple blouse and black jeans, joined up with them. "Say, you ready, teme, for Kiba's epic badass party tonight?" the blond hollered happily, almost too loud for the raven's taste. He'd accepted by now that the Uzumaki would never grow even when they did get out of this place by summer.

"Naruto, you had to say it aloud when the red-eyed devil incarnate himself is closer than you think!" Sakura hissed at him, swatting him on the back of the head, making him yelp and rub that area.

Sasuke suppressed a snort. _Devil incarnate is right - Itachi is everywhere..._

His brother was the president of Uchiha Corporations, having inherited upon the death of Fugaku and Mikoto when they were both killed in a car crash - which Sasuke knew hadn't been an accident at all. He had been in the backseat, his brother with him, and the both of them survivors...and he'd been thirteen then, Itachi eighteen. Safe to say big brother had never been more "fiercely protective" - _or should I say, a hindrance?_ \- of his little brother ever since then. Sometimes, Sasuke hated him so much for sticking his nose into his life. Sasuke was never anyone special unlike his perfect elder, the heir to the family business, and why should Itachi care about him when he was often away in office, leaving his rebellious younger brother to try and grow up on his own?

Hinata Hyuuga swallowed then, her eyes wide as she looked ahead, which the three of them followed and froze. There stood the man himself with an eyebrow raised. Polished black suit and red tie as well as a blinding white collared shirt, glossy raven hair tied back in a ponytail below the nape of his neck, two slanted lines below glaring eyes of black fire like the pits of hell...yup, he was a sex devil on legs.

"'Devil incarnate', Haruno-san? Hn. I have heard far worse, not that I would give a damn." Despite his icy cool, collected demeanor, Itachi's onyx eyes sparked a furious fire as they landed on the group. "Sasuke, Naruto, in the car."

The younger Uchiha bared his teeth back. He was almost compelled to pummel his big brother, even if it meant a severe punishment by bending over his lap and getting the belt as if he were still a child again - the child _aniki_ dear continued to treat him as.

"Oi, you didn't have to interrupt an important discussion -" Naruto started only for the ice to cut through the air and turn all into winter in a nanosecond.

"You dare disobey a direct order, Uzumaki-san?"

Naruto swallowed. That about did the trick, as always. The smug satisfaction was there in the older Uchiha's eyes. Sasuke always fought long and hard to have that kind of power, but in the end, he was the weaker one and found his own way around. Huffing, he kissed Sakura good-bye for now and Naruto did the same to Hinata.

Both young men followed the elder into the back of the black luxury, which Itachi took behind the driver's wheel. The silence was tense, and Naruto was the one to break it.

"Say, Kiba has a party tonight, and I do have me and Sasuke's costumes ready -"

"No."

"Why not?!" Naruto screeched. "All month, I worked hard to get those guys for us!"

"Hn. A month of mowing others' lawns, a raise from your somewhat-grandfather Jiraiya at his famous book affair," Sasuke pointed out, crossing his legs and glaring out the window to avoid his brother's glare in the mirror. _Hardly anything to be much of a costume since we are almost grown men..._

Itachi's jaw was clenched. "I can name several reasons to not let you go to such a repulsive event, _otouto._ Drinking, unprotected intercourse, and so forth. The answer is no, and I stand firm on it. You think I have acted like the older brother and father figure you deserved all these years just to let you go off and be like this?" he asked angrily, turning onto a corner. "The long hours I spend to preserve our family's legacy, everything I have given you when you asked for it - you thank me by doing all of this to me?"

 _Another lecture - how the hell would you understand?!_ "Giving me another talk - or are you going to bend me over your lap like you did when I was fifteen?" Sasuke sneered, recalling the shame and humiliation at the one time he and Naruto had been present when Kiba and a couple of the guys were caught with underage drinking.

"Hn, tempting, little brother." Itachi shook his head. "No, _foolish_ little brother." He chuckled, making the younger angrier. "And to ensure you do not think to slip off tonight, I will have this night off only so I could keep an eye on you, Sasuke. To imagine Father turning in his grave if he saw you sinking to this."

~o~

"Now, how in the hell are we gonna make it to Kiba's party when your devil-of-a-brother has our butts locked up in here all night? The party starts at eight, for Kami's sake!"

"Shut it, loser," Sasuke hissed, "or he'll hear you again!"

Naruto suppressed a groan. All arguments failed, including that it was "nothing" for them since they'd done this in the past before, but in the end was Itachi Uchiha the Devil King catching onto them both. The oh-so-perfect savior coming to "rescue baby brother from the clutches of the throes of teenage wasteland". Ever since they were nearly killed along with their parents, and Sasuke had been thirteen years old. Naruto lost his parents when he was just a baby. His father Minato had been a police detective killed in line of duty, and his mother Kushina died giving birth to him. Iruka, his father's friend, as well as his lover Kakashi, who later was Naruto and Sasuke's middle school English teacher, raised him up to now.

And if you were wondering, both Iruka and Kakashi knew he was here and allowed him to spend the night since it was a Friday, after all.

But boy, oh boy, was he and teme in for hell tonight because of a certain ponytail-haired raven who shared the same blood as his best friend downstairs right now, doing who knew what. Maybe on the phone with clients or colleagues, or just doing whatever to relieve himself of stress from work or baby brother - or both.

"Well, look, Sasuke," Naruto tried again, flopping himself on the black bed - he planned to make the emo lighten up his room as soon as they were at their own apartment in college one day - and watched as the Duck Butt dropped his bookbag against the wall next to the door, "if we're gonna make it in time at eight, we're gonna have to find some way to slip out without Itachi knowing about it - or we should just find means to distract him before we jet off. Like slip a sleeping powder into his whiskey or something..."

 _Just like we did to him that one time when we were fifteen...but that night was also when Kiba and them were busted. How would this time be different?_ He brightened up. They were both more mature and responsible now, learned their lessons, so what was the worst to happen, huh?

But Sasuke was far from impressed. "Seriously, dobe, Itachi would know and would catch us red-handed again." Thankfully, the seriousness didn't last, for a devious smirk spread across that face of his. "Just leave it to me. I have two or three ways this could work..."

~o~

The Akatsuki was a group that had been together since high school years, and even in manhood - Itachi Uchiha running his family's legacy, Kakuzu as the banker within the business, Hidan as a priest for Jashin at the small church in the equally smaller part of Konoha, and Kisame Hoshigaki was the president's personal assistant and closest advisor - the old gang continued to remain close-knit as ever.

The partners Deidara and Sasori? They ran their own art studio, even though their tastes differed. "Art is an EXPLOSION!" was the motto of the former, whilst the latter prided that "Art is eternal". But despite their differences, they harmonized well together in both their small business and their own relationship.

Although tonight, on Halloween, Sasori wasn't the least bit excited.

"I don't know why you insist on staying out here with this candy, Dei," the redhead said disgustedly, leaning back and exhaling breath. They sat on the front lawn of their small house, watching as mothers and their costumed children walked past them or came up to them and said "trick or treat" before getting their sweets. "Or why you are even out here and with the canes..." He nodded towards the two mentioned tools on the opposite side of his partner, not at their use at the present.

"I told you, danna, I had the accident in my part of the studio, un," the blond insisted. "The explosion of the kiln because one of my students didn't check for air bubbles like I specifically asked them to -" _And an imbecile who finds your "cleaner" techniques better than mine. I sometimes wonder why the hell I agreed that we could make more time together by working_ together. "- and it was none other than someone who 'regrets taking my class and should have taken yours instead of mine'," he stated, using air quotes with his fingers, making his partner snort and shake his head. "Thanks to him, I am forced to go to the hospital and am given these canes until the surgery goes through on Tuesday."

And thanks to the idiot student he wanted so much to kick out for his lack of respect for art - explosion as that was, but it was painful to his own body and his pride - he was stuck limping on occasion, but sometimes the pain would be gone and he would not need these handicap tools for awhile. But when he would feel the mild pain, he'd grit his teeth and lean on the painful things - but as his lover said, not painful compared to the rare heart condition that passed on in his family later in years of life.

"Besides, un, this is a good time for me to still obtain some excitement instead of being in the house."

Sasori grunted. "If you need more excitement, why tonight which involves you giving these runts candy? Why waste money on something unimportant for only a night when there are better things to do?"

Deidara scowled at him. "Now you sound like Kakuzu." _And the miser always picks the cheapest of places to spend his hard-earned money on Halloween, and it's not giving candies to the kiddies._ He shuddered to himself; he sounded like one of those creeps out there, to himself.

"But at least my grandmother taught me to spend wisely at the same time, but that's beside the point. Hell, in her mother's day, she didn't have to pass out candy. She'd be on the street 'selling her goods' so her only daughter had everything she needed." Deidara cringed; the last thing he wanted was foul talk about family curses and their friends' own problems, but here they were. He wanted tonight to be an "explosion", but he hated how life didn't always go as planned. "All of this was back in the day when she was stripping."

"Danna, could you just skip the talk about the strippers in your family just for tonight, un, please?" the blond begged, putting his hand in the pumpkin bowl which had been Granny Chiyo's that she'd made specially on her own. This small fact could very much mark the fact she and Deidara were related rather than her and Sasori, which made the clay artist beam proudly to himself. Chiyo always had cookies and the likes ready for him and her grandson when they were kids growing up together. "Kakuzu can bitch all he wants about spending hard-earned money, but you're not him, and your family won't have anything to do with affecting this - even Granny Chiyo, rest her." He sighed heavenly and leaned back, letting his ponytail fall back and the fresh night wind run through, giving his scalp a natural massage.

And then a small voice brought him to attention. "Trick or treat!" A red-haired little girl of about eight was dressed in a magical dress that made her look like an angel - and she even had WINGS! Deidara felt his eyes bulge at how _artistic_ it was; the material of the dress was a flowing lining of color in the rainbow. The wings were made of realistic looking white feathers shimmering with silver.

"Aw, aren't you pretty!" Deidara cooed, reaching into his bowl and putting it into her black cat bag. He'd placed in a handful - and he hoped the child did not notice - before grasping a handful of HERS and putting it back into his bowl. Sasori narrowed his eyes when he noticed this but said nothing. That did not mean he would not confront his partner about this as soon as the child and her mother were gone. The majority of the children in the streets was the mothers being the chaperones, or aunts? Women were often on the streets while their husbands and the males were busy with work or with other matters.

And there it came after the child pecked his cheek - awww, was she sweet? - and was ushered by her mother to leave. "Dei."

"Yes, Sasori-kun?" he purred, but the charm was to no avail.

"I saw what you did. You gave her a handful and then took a handful of her own for yourself. And YOU said _I_ was like Kakuzu." His devilish smile penetrated his sinfully beautiful face. "I believe I know you better than anyone, or do you insist on tricking me as a fool from time to time? Is this what you are doing out here after getting a couple bags of candy at the store today? Suppose...you were really low on bills today despite paying them on our house and the necessities early in this month?"

Deidara flushed. Guilty as charged, but he wouldn't admit it. It was not only that, but sometimes you got the munchies even after a long day, and today had been just that. And besides, he'd done this for _years._

The glare he received from his love would have made him melt in the kiln rather than harden like his students' clay pieces for projects. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

"Trick or treat!" Deidara swallowed when he saw this one child, a boy of ten, was dressed as a COW of all things - and Sasori had to open his mouth on this one.

"Lady, what the hell do you think you did dressing this boy as a damned cow? You ought to be ashamed of yourself." Deidara had to hiss at him; what was his danna's problem? He was going to scar this one for life. Already, he could see it in the kid's eyes, and his poor mother was contemplating murder in hers. "Besides, look at his weight: with all those candies, he is going to add up more calories and become eternal chow."

"Danna!" he growled. "Shut up." The redhead hissed through his teeth in return. Deidara put on a smile and reached into his bowl to give the kid what he came for - but he didn't luck out when the boy noticed he took more candy than he gave. Because in his bag, he had more than he noticed just now. To keep short of what happened next, a shouting match followed before Sasori stepped up to his defense.

As soon as the deadly duo was gone, he gulped at what he saw coming up the street, rounding from a darkened corner dominated by trees and eerie mist. The gulp turned to a heavy swallow, even though the lesser pressure didn't help much of miracles. "S-Sasori...what the hell is THAT?"

Eerie whistling filled the air as the mysterious being began to make itself known as it stepped from the shadows and into the street light in its path. Both artistic partners stiffened even though one was ready to jump out of his pants and the other was more disgusted than scared.

"Dei, idiot, it's just some fool dressed like a clown."

 _C-c-clown?! Ooh, the willies!_ He HATED clowns ever since he was a child - hell, there were some accounts these days of molesters of all ages dressed as these demonic things. Never mind they had artistic appearances; they were never harmless in more ways than one...!

"If they come over here, you're welcome to pull out one of your special C4's on their ass," his redheaded lover told him with a sly smile. "If that makes you feel better, Dei." He leaned over and placed a kiss on the blond's cheek, but Deidara was ready to do what he said he felt like he would: jump out of his pants, or have an accident if he couldn't on time. He hated to be in that embarrassing situation with his baby beside him.

"S-S-Sasori-d-d-anna, I'm scared," he stammered, slinking into the other man. And on his favorite night of all nights! Halloween was the scariest time of the year, and WHY DID ONE OF HIS GREATEST FEARS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO HIM?! The damned circus fiend was coming closer with that box of whatever was inside...if it was a jack in the box...oh, he hated those, too! "My man, who the hell do you know walks up the street with a box dressed as a _clown_?!"

"Deidara, whatever is in that damned box that will jump out at you could be nothing more than a puppet just like one of my own." Sasori then raised his voice at the clown who continued to come their way. "You bastard, my boyfriend is scared. Either you stop right there, or you face the wrath of the puppet master." He growled then and there when the creature - one of many of the night - got closer and finally stopped about six feet from them, and he decided he had enough for Deidara's sake, which the blond was grateful for.

"Listen, clown, my man is scared to death. You have a minute and no more to get off our property before I phone 911 and get your ass in jail for however long they deem fit. I never play around."

Unfortunately, the clown didn't listen and reached around to turn the roller on the side, readying whatever was inside to jump out and give the poor blond the heart attack he knew he would never recover from...

Sasori lost it as Deidara just had the dreaded accident.

"Oh, that pushes the last button!" he seethed, standing and stalking over. "Let's see what you got in there; let's see something jump up and out of this damned box...!"

And just like that, the lid flipped back and the extra person cried "BOO!"

Deidara screamed and fell out of his chair, while Sasori's fist collided with the other clown's face, sending them toppling out of the box and onto the ground. Their companion growled and knelt down to their side.

"Red, you imbecile, you didn't have to hit him like that!"

Both lovers gaped in shock at the revelation of who these "clowns" were. " _Kisame?! TOBI?!"_

"What the hell is wrong with you both?" Sasori demanded, hands on his hips as he watched one clown mask come off to reveal the face of Itachi Uchiha's assistant - Kisame Hoshigaki, a man who had somehow been born with a genetic mutation that gave him the blue skin and three scars beneath each eye like a shark, including the teeth; Tobi was their "new boy" they saved from a gang fight not many months ago, but no one knew his true background, and he didn't know his own family, either. Guy was a complete mystery, but a harmless one at that. _A kid who never grew up,_ Deidara thought with a snort.

"Ooh, oops, Tobi almost got his nose busted!" One major abnormality: he always wore a mask and never took it off because of a personal cursed deformity. "Sasori, you didn't have to hit Tobi like that! Tobi is a good boy!"

Deidara sniffed and stood despite his "accident", hobbling over and wincing at his mild throb in his left calf. "You're lucky I didn't bomb your ass! You two know I am scared of clowns!"

Kisame chuckled and shook his head, reaching to adjust the younger's mask - his swirling orange one instead of the clown one - and asked, "You all right, kid?"

"Hell no! Sasori punched me like a damned dude!"

"That's because I AM a dude!" the puppet maker spat. "Because of you, my man is shaking like a salt shaker or one of my puppets on my strings."

It was then and there that Deidara's iPhone in his pocket began to ring. All eyes diverted to the caller ID: ITACHI UCHIHA. Deidara breathed a sigh of relief that they were saved by the bell - or should he say, saved by the _weasel?_ "Alright, shut up so we can hear what he has to say. Itachi?"

 _"Hello, Deidara - and the lot of you."_

"Itachi, you missed some good fun that Tobi and I just gave the girls," Kisame told him, baring his shark-like teeth even though the Uchiha could not see. Deidara stuck his tongue out at him which the shark man pointedly ignored.

Itachi snorted. _"I am not interested to know what prank you pulled, my sharky assistant. Now, as I was saying, I am at home with my foolish little brother upstairs, but I have to make sure he doesn't sneak out of the house and get into trouble again."_

Every single one of the guys groaned, the clay artist himself included. Sasuke Uchiha - the bratty little emo himself. Just how many times did they have to be called over to the home of one of their own when Itachi was made for something better instead of sinking down to make sure his ungrateful little _otouto_ was looked after?

"No, Itachi, I won't be able to come over there. Deidara is on the verge of passing out from his near-fatal heart attack that Kisame and Tobi just gave him, and I am on the verge of strangling them both to death with my puppet strings. You know I also hate going out on Halloween. Plus, I am sure Kisame and Tobi have better things to do which includes scaring the hell out of other people like they did to me and my poor blondie tonight -" _Sasori, my man - you TRAITOR!_

Deidara was fuming at the utter humiliation. Oh, he was SO going to grab his balls tonight and crush him if he had to! As for the other two, Kisame was still leering as he enjoyed every minute of this, and poor masked Tobi was quivering in his big boots.

And Itachi had the final straw. _"We can have drinks and bets like the good old days in college."_

That brought the light forth in everyone's eyes. "We're on our way, un!" Deidara declared, before another unexpected voice filled the air.

"Oh, hell to the no! If you are all going to go over to the weasel's place, then bring me along, too! I can spare an hour or two away from my communion tonight and leave it to my trustees!" Hidan announced, flouncing towards them in his black leather jacket opened to show his muscle shirt and many chains and crosses, causing slaps to the forehead. But at least the cheapskake Kakuzu wasn't here to bitch about how cheap it was to spend it at their weasel's instead of their favorite bar tonight.

Only that would not be a problem; it was the fact that this concerned a certain troublesome baby Uchiha.

 **I know the lot of what you've seen can't be anything new in other fics (such as Sasuke being his usual emo self, Kiba and wild parties, the rest of the gang involved, and how Itachi's Akatsuki friends are portrayed in terms of their lifestyles as well as the weasel raising his bratty baby brother after their parents' deaths), but it all was perfect in here. :) I'm having fun already and can't wait to see how this story goes in under ten chapters at most.**

 **Reviews are most gracious - but please don't flame me.**


	2. Brothers, Boards and Ghosts

**If anyone is interested in "Boo! A Madea Halloween", it's on YouTube, the entire movie - or you can find it elsewhere. :D You'll see WHY it made me bring this to life.**

Chapter Two

Brothers, Boards and Ghosts

He had not heard from the boys ever since they vanished upstairs, but he did order the take-out and left it in the fridge if they got hungry, guaranteeing that Sasuke would not want to see or speak to him tonight after the episode in the car. Itachi sighed as he closed his laptop and then neatly stowed his paperwork into the intended folder for Monday.

 _I was too harsh on him. I told him he was a little fool. When you speak to one like that, you increase their will even greater._

Sasuke would be going off to university with Naruto in the fall, so the elder brother would not bother seeing him much anymore, and he would be spared Fugaku forcing him to come home when he didn't want to, for appearances' sake. Thankfully, Itachi wouldn't have to put up with what future troubles he would get himself into. He picked up his glass of whiskey and sighed sharply as he took a sip of the liquid fire. He really needed sake, but he would pass out before his friends came.

What had he done wrong that Sasuke would pay him back like this?

Drinking wouldn't solve his problems, but this drink made him calm his senses. When all of the amber liquid was gone, he set the cut crystal glass on the coffee table. The Uchiha compound was rich with ancient history from the time of its founding within Konoha, some of the furnishings up to today's standards while valued artworks made by the hands of artists of old still dominated the walls, and painted pottery rested on some tables and against the walls and doorways.

During holidays ever since their parents' deaths, the decorations of the season, including Christmas which was in a couple months, would be modest but noticeable. Pumpkins, orange and purple flowers placed in the pots and vases, as well as incense sticks lit up to give the rooms a rich fragrance of cinnamon and herbs.

The doorbell rang. He smiled before letting it slip.

His company had arrived.

"You all came," he told them, letting a genuine smile grace his face. He let out a loud grunt when he felt his lungs being deprived of oxygen thanks to one masked particular. "Oomph, Tobi! Let me breathe!" he choked out, laughing and patting the back of the youngest member who was a harmless, overgrown child compared to the rest of them.

"Itachi, un!" Deidara told him with a beam, but because of the fact he had canes due to a recent mishap at his and Sasori's studio, he wasn't bouncing forth with enthusiasm. So, he settled on a hug around the shoulder.

But there was also the matter of his brother and his best friend upstairs. "Shh," Itachi hissed. "I'll tell you all about it when you get inside. Sasuke can't hear you."

Sasori slapped his shoulder. "You got more than little brother to worry about these days, you know?" he told him, then stepped aside to show -

"Hidan." Itachi groaned. The Jashin fanatic who was the one to get them converted to drinking and hard partying even into college - and if he were an ordinary zealot, he'd be labeled a sinner. _Just what I needed..._

"What up, bitch?" the white-haired man said, slipping past him, making the raven bare his teeth at his retreating form into the sitting room before the fireplace he had yet to turn on as it got late.

"Hidan, don't use that language in this house!" Itachi called, agitated. Even though he put up with the foul mouth of the Jashinist over the years, tonight was an exception because of his little brother upstairs. Sasuke was eighteen, but sometimes, he felt that the constant swearing of Hidan was a bad influence whether he was around the younger Uchiha. And if Fugaku heard such talk, he would administer the honorable disciplinary. _Thankfully I am not Father._

Last of all was the one he wanted the most: Kisame Hoshigaki, the man with the birth defect that did not deter him from living to the fullest. Which was why Itachi Uchiha was proud to have him by his side at work. "Itachi, my little tadpole," the man grunted, pulling him into a firm embrace if not smothering like Tobi had done. He let the Uchiha go so all of them were gathering in the living room. The whiskey decanter still sat on the table, but Sasori was already pulling out more glasses from the cabinet.

Deidara was still standing when he moved over to Itachi. "Un, weasel, can you help me sit?" he grunted. "These damned things are gonna be gone soon once the surgery takes place, but they're working on my nerves. Thanks to one idiot in my classroom." Itachi nodded, complying and taking his friend underneath the arm and guiding him to one of the armchairs. "And not only that, the shark and the idiot -" _Kisame and Tobi._ "- added more to my troubles. Not just my fear of clowns, but I had an...accident." His cheeks flushed as he looked down at his lap. Itachi winced and felt his cheeks do the same.

"Thank you for sharing that," he muttered under his breath. _Such improper manner of speaking would have been labeled taboo in the ancestral days._

"Deidara," Sasori chided with a frown, "that is no polite conversation. Besides -" He smiled maliciously. "- you DID change out of those old pants of yours before we arrived, didn't you?"

The blond narrowed his eyes. "Danna, must you point that out in front of everyone in the room? And besides, it was only two drops."

"And no one needs to know, either, about your 'two drops'!" the redhead countered, picking up his whiskey glass and downing half of it in a gulp. Kisame had by this time finished his first down to the bottom and decided he could not keep his yap shut about his opinion.

"I would say you have prostate cancer, blondie. You hear that in two words for your two drops: prostate. Cancer." He put emphasis on each word with his empty glass raised, then held it out for another filling, thanks to Hidan's willing hand. But Sasori scowled at the shark-like man and cursed at him to shut up, to which he retaliated. "What, Red? What other explanation could that be if it isn't much to let out from the biggest scare he's ever had?"

"Oh, you know what, Sharky? I'll give you a prostate examination with putting one of my feet up your -"

Itachi lost it. All of this "battle of the wits" was wasting every precious second of why he asked them all to come here. "Excuse me," he said loudly, raising both hands to signal their silence and focus their eyes on him, "can we focus on why I asked you all to come?!"

"Weasel, who the hell are you yelling at?" Sasori demanded, sitting back and crossing one leg over the other. "You were the one who called Deidara when we all coincidentally happened to be together, and you're here raising your voice at us now when it should be you talking like that to your little brat of a brother upstairs right now."

"That's right, you were the one who wanted us in this damned house," Hidan concurred after a loud belch after his final drink, making all wince - including the host himself. He never learned his manners, either. "I'm tempted to gut you like a goddamned fish with the old scythe from my family's old bitch-ass farm in the countryside -"

"ALRIGHT!" Itachi roared, his temper lost, before clearing his throat and reaching to adjust his loose tie purely out of habit. "Okay, I apologize, but please hear me out. There is going to be a party up around the corner - and hosted by one of my brother's friends - and I can't let him OR Naruto slip away if my eyes turn away." He hummed in satisfaction at the shock in their eyes, from every one of them. There was a brief silence before Deidara broke it first.

"Nah ah, your bro is too young for this trash. What is it, a frat party like we used to go to in college? No way, un, Sasuke is too young -" He was cut off by none other than Kisame who sniggered on his halfway done second glass of the family name.

"Actually, blondie, he's eighteen. Legal enough."

Itachi glared at him with pure murder. How could he betray him like that? Sasuke might be eighteen, but he still lived under HIS roof, which used to be their _parents'_.

Hidan chortled. "I don't know about that, either, Dei. Remember WE all used to go to those parties and had all them sluts and whores on our arms - even the sweet little innocents looking for a first time?" he asked with a devilish wink, but this time, no one sided with him.

He eventually got serious. "But hell to the yeah, he's too young because he still lives under your roof." Itachi smiled, thanking him with a nod. "So, what the hell do we do now that we are here, Itachi?"

Itachi swallowed. Sasuke would likely not want anything to do with being around this group, confined upstairs with his friend, but Naruto, being the social animal he was, would certainly drag his friend down to "have fun" in whatever sense it was. But neither were legal enough to have a drink of whiskey or sake. It would bore the teenagers to death. And besides the point, there was the chance Sasuke would embarrass him further than he did in front of his pink-haired girlfriend and Naruto's meek Hyuuga beauty.

Kisame snorted. "Itachi, how the hell did you raise this boy all these years after the loss of your folks, huh? Everything you did was the best you could do, but what? You should have dropped the hammer harder like my folks used to do to me." His lip curled, baring the teeth. "These teenagers just think they know everything."

 _Oh, like hell! I hadn't whipped my brother since he was fifteen, that one time!_ He didn't need to mention that this was known amongst the group still known as Akatsuki. "Just so you all know, NO ONE," he ground, "is hitting my brother as long as _I_ am around, am I clear? We administered that in the old days, but ever since that one time when _otouto_ was fifteen, it hasn't happened again. I made it really clear to him since his friends were busted that night..."

"Yeah, bitch, you 'made it clear' then," Hidan drawled, "but did he listen? No! You know what you should have done? Gave him more love tapping, as my late mama used to give me." He winked.

"Your mother's form of 'love tap'?" Itachi said with a scoff. "She had you on _life support!_ If I remember correctly, your behavior was much worse than my brother's." _And three nights in jail - before he was "saved" by an old family god. No wonder he never reached as high as the rest of us have._

The Jashinist huffed and slammed his glass on the coffee table, making the owner and the rest flinch, except Kisame. "My ass was on the damned life support, yes, and I was six at the time because I was talking back to her. It ran in my family, so who is to blame, hm? Mother busted my ass because it was my fault. So, let me ask you about your brother: whose problem is it?"

 _Sasuke._

But Itachi could not speak. He had always been confident in his choice of words, had been harsh enough to attempt to steer his younger sibling on the right path - but what had it led him to so far? Nothing had gotten better, only worse. And his friends all saw this.

"Itachi," Tobi said timidly, having not taken a sip of his drink and instead chose to listen to everything around him, "you're not actually going to whip your brother again after a couple years, are you?" His innocent query earned a glare from the others.

Itachi found himself locked in a staring contest with Hidan. "Weasel," he said disdainfully, shaking his head, "if you're not going to take that to mind just because of the known assault charges of today, then let me tell you something." The silence was brief before it exploded with the white-haired man's infamous string of swearing that the Uchiha _strictly_ forbade him from in this house - HIS house.

"BULLSHIT! Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, bullshit -"

"Hidan, I am going to tell you one more time to _stop using that language in MY house!"_ And of course, his authority was in vain.

"Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit..."

"Hidan, blasphemous bastard, shut up and stop using those cuss words!" Deidara snapped, tapping the floor with one of his canes. "If I wasn't handicapped as I am right now, I would put one of my bombs up where they don't belong and set it off so you're nothing but blood and guts. As a matter of fact, tonight would be the perfect opportunity to have that happen and scatter you all over the road." His grin matched million-watts, shining bright and twinkling, but it was enough to make Kisame flinch at a bad memory that happened when they were just on the verge of getting out of high school for college.

The shark man took the decanter from Hidan and poured himself another drink. "If that were to happen, you would have it just as bad as I did - and nope, not worse," he added with a wave towards Deidara, "but the fact I forgot to take the No.2 pencil from my pants pocket when I tripped on the damned sidewalk after we stumbled out of the party..." He stopped himself there and took another swig of amber fire, nearly choking when Sasori took it upon himself to finish the "tragic tale" that wounded all man's pride.

"That little pencil went _straight_ to one of his lil' balls," the redhead said proudly. Tobi screeched and brought his hands to his crotch, Deidara and Hidan both giggled like girls, and the man himself grimaced, swallowing and clenching his legs closer together as he recalled the pain. One of his balls on the pencil like a dango ball on a stick...

Itachi gulped and swallowed down the phantom feeling in his own special place.

"Good thing you grew it back like a reptile, Sharky," Deidara told him happily. The other man growled at him through his teeth. The laughter continued on until they had to get back to the important issue at hand.

"Alright, can we refocus on the fact we have to deal with my brother upstairs?" Itachi said loudly.

Sasori swallowed another gulp. All of them were going to get drunk soon, and Itachi had not even had more than one glass that evening before he called them here. "Weasel," Sasori told him with lidded eyes, "what you should do is teach the runt a lesson in sending him out on his own to pay his own mortgage if he can think he's better than you so badly, think to get back at you for your parents' deaths when it wasn't your fault; that's what you should do. That's what we all did - except for you because all of this -" He motioned around him lazily. "- was left to you by your hard-ass daddy, but you still used it to work your way to the top, didn't you? If your bratty brother thinks he can fight back, then you are going to do the last resort."

~o~

Sasuke had to groan when he heard the voices. _Great...my brother invited his friends over. This just got so much harder._ "Dobe," he said to Naruto when he closed his bedroom door, "we have trouble."

Naruto tried to push past him, but he held him back. "What? Itachi bring a girl over?" he asked stupidly, making the Uchiha roll his eyes.

"No, you idiot. He has his FRIENDS over. Just like I should have expected." He angrily flopped on the end of his bed. "We're stuck here. And we have half an hour until the party begins." He hissed furiously before the light bulb flickered in his mind. He felt the smile of the clever, tricky one pierce his face. _No matter...we got it all planned out._

"Naruto, it's time." With that, he produced one tool in the greatest scheme of all time from his back pocket and held it out for the blond to see. Naruto's blue eyes bulged and became white circles. He screeched and threw his hands in the air. This had been in his possession since he was twelve, given to him by cousin Shisui as a prank to pull on Itachi, but circumstances prevented him from finding the opportunity...until now.

"IS THIS A BOMB OR SOMETHING?!" The idiot's voice would have attracted attention if Sasuke had not stood and slapped his hand over his friend's mouth.

"No, it's not a bomb!"

Naruto exhaled in relief. "Oh, great...I thought we were blowing up your brother and his friends today." He giggled and covered his own mouth, making Sasuke smirk.

"Oh, I wish - but tonight is not the night for that. It's much better..."

And with that, they grabbed the other thing they needed and marched downstairs to where Itachi and his gang were lighting up the fire and drinking whiskey and sake, making him jealous. But no problem; Kiba's party would have just all of that.

His brother had been standing with a small cup of sake in hand, his arm behind his back and stretching himself. Sasori was perched beside Deidara - who had canes - on the loveseat and leaned into him, making the younger Uchiha bare his teeth. There was also masked Tobi fidgeting with the fire poker, and Hidan was placing a cross or whatever Jashin relic he had on the fireplace before saying a small prayer for the fun they would have tonight. And of course, Kisame, whom _aniki_ considered a best friend out of the rest. When he and Naruto made themselves known by a clearing of the throats, all eyes were on them.

Itachi's smirk was secret as if he'd counted on them to get tired and show up soon, making Sasuke reel inside at his smug confidence. _Well, let's just wipe that smirk off your face soon,_ nii-san.

"Oh, the little runt makes his appearance," Kisame noted, baring his jaws of death which made Naruto's skin crawl. Which was exactly what happened when he first met Itachi Uchiha's best friend and assistant at the family business. "And so does the other runt."

"Naruto, is it, un?" the blond with the high ponytail, Deidara, quipped proudly. "Glad you boys could join us, yeah."

Hidan the priest whirled around and gave them a millionaire's smile that blinded Sasuke for life. What the hell was the - _oh, wait, this makes it much more fun,_ the teenager thought with a secret smile. _With his rants of his backdoor god, this will make it better. But what about the others...?_

The plan was simple: trick them all into going to bed early or just getting the hell out of this house, but Itachi? Oh, dearest big brother would not be scared out of hell in his pants - but this would work the hell out of his friends. His heart pounded with excitement, but poor Naruto was so nervous he was going to break out into sweat.

And it was then that Sasori, the redhead and puppet master, noticed the box. "What...is that?" he asked suspiciously. Sasuke knew his eyes were glinting. He procured the box from behind his back and grinned, baring his teeth.

"I borrowed this from a friend at school today," he said casually, sitting down on his knees and placing it in the middle of the empty and half-empty glasses. Deidara and Tobi gawked, Hidan's eyes widened, and Sasori looked at it with narrowed eyes. Itachi? Did you even need to ask when you knew his jaw was clenched, and the lines in his forehead creased into a frown?

Kisame regarded the box with a wrinkled nose, at the ordinary "children's cover" - but appearances could be deceiving. "What - the hell is THAT?"

"It's a ghost board."

The silence that penetrated the air was tense as the slowly growing heat from the fireplace which Tobi remained by. It was broken then by the very same shark. "Oh, get that the hell out of here!" Kisame said with a flourish of his sake cup, followed by Deidara's protest of "Get that devil-made out of here!" Which was laughable since he was nowhere near the fanatic himself, and speaking of which...

Hidan's instant fanatical ravings were next. "Yeah, you'd better get that cursed piece of shit out of here. In my religion, we do NOT play with stuff like that especially on Halloween. We are at prayer and offering ritualistic sacrifices to appease Jashin, but this voodoo Haitian shit that goes on in that country and in New Orleans - and that damned thing there?"

"Foolish little brother," Itachi muttered after a down of his drink, shaking his head and refusing to look at him.

Sasori leaned over, eyes still narrowed, but did the puppet man think he could scare Sasuke Uchiha? "Let me tell you right now, baby weasel, if you open that thing right now, that is what you are going to be: dead. You'll be on the other side. Because Hidan is right; we don't play with stuff like that."

Sasuke stuck his lower lip out in a pout. "Aw, come on, there's no harm in this. It's fun - and it's how we communicate with the DEAD!" He flashed his teeth in the similarity of a skull. And just his luck: Tobi sank further into the wall on the side of the fireplace, and Hidan remained on the opposite side, standing and crossing his arms across his chest.

"Sasori is right, Sasuke. Take it and put it away, and tomorrow, you give it back to whoever it is from. You're not playing games with us tonight." With that, Itachi strode over and was just taking the box from beneath the left side, but Sasuke tried to beat him to it and tugged it back in his direction -

\- except when the box opened, out fell a black card onto the floor.

Tobi and Deidara screeched, the blond curling into his redheaded partner who gave the sight a disdainful and suspicious snort. The masked one leaped away from the fireplace and crawled over to the white-haired priest for protection, throwing his arms around the other's legs. Kisame narrowed his beady eyes, and Itachi closed his, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. And Naruto yelped and jumped to his feet if remaining by a smirking Sasuke.

"What is _that_ for?" Tobi whimpered, shaking scared out of his wits.

The black card had a dancing white human skeleton, reaching out for the word in _kanji_ : **死**

 _DEATH._

 _Perfect..._

Sasuke reached down for it without looking at it, keeping his eyes on all those in the room. The fire crackled before them all. If he and the wide-eyed dobe were lucky, the alcohol in their systems would make them "see reason". And when Sasuke read the back of the card...

"Oh, _no..._ "

"I'm going to tell you dipshits something right now," Hidan said with a raised finger. "If you keep playing with the devil himself, he's going to show up. You'll be lucky to end up looking like that damned skeleton right there."

Naruto gulped. "You guys don't understand," he said, not even stuttering, which made the younger raven proud. "That card comes from...Orochimaru."

"OROCHIMARU?!" came the collection from everyone but Itachi and Kisame.

Sasuke grinned maliciously. "The man who lived and died in this house decades before the Uchiha - our family," he added with a wink at Itachi who glowered at him with snake slits for eyes now, warning him. "And on Halloween, he was discovered and murdered...but his body was never brought to the public. No one knows if he is still in this house, or if he's buried someplace outside these walls where no one would find him...but his spirit is said to lie dormant within these lush surroundings. He was said to not even be human because of the grotesque experiments he performed in our _basement."_ He dropped his voice to a sly whisper.

"Some say his body AND his spirit may still be down there, in the basement, but that place hasn't been touched or explored for _years_. It goes to say that every Halloween, he awakes and watches, but doesn't strike. They whispered he would one day come back to take a life, but he never specified. It hasn't happened yet, but you can never be too certain." _And ready, set...STRIKE!_

"The only places he would never go are the bedrooms. Given that a priest blessed the rooms when he came to live here following the snake man's demise, before he died of natural causes."

Tobi gulped from where he was. "I s-su-uppose that means...we s-should all leave the house or g-g-go to sleep?" he stammered, finally releasing a relieved Hidan who announced his plan to leave.

"Damned right I am on this - but not because of some goddamned ancient urban ghost story. My church needs me, but not before I bless this house for your protection," he said, reaching into his jacket to pull out a few candles and began to place them on top of the fireplace to light up. "I damned well won't let you all be cursed on this night, not without a little prayer, either..."

Deidara had begun to break out into a sweat. "W-when do the ghosts come out?" he asked fearfully.

"At midnight," Sasuke answered, triumphant that this was working.

The blond nodded. "Okay, time for us to go then, Sasori-danna," he said, standing with his partner while holding his hand. "Let's go back to our place. I'm scared enough as it is, and I've had enough heart attacks and 'accidents' to last a lifetime." But the redhead was not amused.

"Idiot, you don't believe this, do you?"

Kisame grunted and stretched before standing. "I'm with you on this, Red. Itachi's little brat is nothing but lying like he's prone."

"WHAT?! Didn't you all hear what he just said?" Tobi cried, pointing to Sasuke, who snorted and shook his head. They all fell for it - with the exception of Shark-Face and Big Brother Dearest.

Who just now towered over him with a glare that spoke bloody murder. "Sasuke," Itachi growled under his breath, "if I ever thought your antics were crossing the line, it seems I was only -"

At that moment, they were all struck with a heart attack inducing surprise.

The lights blinked out.

Then they rapidly turned on and off, causing utter chaos.

Screams broke free and threatened to shatter ear drums as well as the windows.

 **MWAHAHAHAHA I was laughing my ass off bringing this to life as I thought of the scene from the movie. XD I'm crying and laughing so hard right now, I feel my lungs losing oxygen.**


	3. Let's Get the Party Started!

Chapter Three

Let's Get the Party Started!

"ALRIGHT, ENOUGH!"

At the owner's command, the lights returned to normal as if nothing happened. Two people were scared and on the verge of having accidents in their pants - Tobi and Deidara - whilst the rest of them were indifferent. Sasori looked around with the lines between his eyes. His partner had dropped his canes and clung to him, and the masked one whimpered and pulled his knees to his chest as he cowered into the end of the couch next to the lovers.

Naruto gulped as he looked back and forth between the faces around him. He'd been on the verge of having an "accident" himself. This was all Sasuke's idea, and even though he knew he was in on this, the plot succeeded in scaring the crap out of him, too. Naruto hadn't been this scared since he first heard of the legends of the Tailed Beasts when he, Sasuke and their friends and girlfriends were all children.

Kisame the shark man glared at all of them. "What the hell was that?" He wasn't affected by anything, was he? _He still scares me as much as he did the first time I met him..._

And Itachi was demanding an explanation as he stood with his hands on his hips. "What happened to the lights?"

"H-help us, Kami," Tobi whimpered. "Tobi a good boy, don't want to die..." Deidara slumped against Sasori, pale as the ghost Sasuke was still insistent on bringing to the floor.

"It was Orochimaru," Sasuke said with glee, baring his teeth like one of the skull icons at the home he lived at with Kakashi and Iruka. Only it wasn't; the remote to the lights he'd given Naruto was behind the blond's back. His finger itched and removed itself from the device, placing it into the back of his jeans as far as it would go down. The deed had been done, so now they could "go to bed" as the teme was saying now.

Itachi waved them both off. "Be off then, but you will not ruin this night any more than you already did, Sasuke. In the morning, you and I will have a serious talk." _Uh oh...it's gonna be bad. Aw man, if he decides to kick his little brother out, then I'll have to ask Iruka and Kakashi if he could live with us. How the hell would Sasuke take care of himself if Itachi...?_

Sasuke bade his brother and the rest of them good night - but it was all false as was the smile he put on. Naruto did smile at them, too, but half of him meant it. And now that his partner in crime had accomplished their goal, they were back in his room. By this time, Naruto Uzumaki had by now summed up the situation between the brothers.

 _Maybe while I agree that Itachi is a tight-ass, he hasn't even bothered to be around his little brother enough to get to know him again...but maybe Sasuke is being too hard on him. After all, Itachi is the only family he has left. The last five years have been nothing but getting back at his brother._

 _Doesn't he remember that BOTH of them were in that accident with their parents?_

He and Sasuke's costumes weren't anything overt or childish, but him? He painted his face into that of a kitsune, then dressed himself in his best blue shirt and jeans, but Sasuke didn't do so much drama - except the fact he put on a leather jacket, black shirt and tight jeans sure to draw ladies' attention. He huffed at the sight of Duck Butt looking all hot while he was just cute and irresistible. He flashed a grin, for he was sure of himself. Of course, Sasuke gave his signature Uchiha answer.

By the time they were ready, it was six past eight, and the mist outside had gotten thicker. The moon was not even full, but its glow cut through the sulphur in the air which wrapped around the urban trees and streetlights - which in turn streaked yellow, giving minimal visual aid.

Who knew when - or IF - Itachi would come up here to see if his baby brother and houseguest were in bed as promised, despite being only Friday, so they had to move fast.

The young men were startled by a tap on the window. And it was none other than their ladies, come to collect them. Sasuke's eyes bulged while the rest of his face remained neutral at the appearance of his lady fair. And Naruto, in spite of himself, couldn't help but admire the view with his buddy.

Sakura was dressed like a woodland fairy, in crinkled olive green and set with leafy lace of a lighter shade down the front from the low-cut neckline to the tattered skirt. She was crowned with moss, greens and faux butterflies of blue and green coming off of the twigs. And around her neck was a green jewel in a filigree of gold.

And Naruto felt _his_ breath hitch and his lungs constrict at the sight of Hinata. She was a dark faerie, the sheer black piece covering sensitive assets but subtly sparkling and strewn about with purple flowers. Black satin gloves reached her elbows. Her hair was an elegant, sleek bun of midnight placed with a silver butterfly centered with a purple crystal. Swirls of gold and purple blossoms lavishly bejeweled her delicate column of a throat.

 _See...this is the woman I'm going to marry someday. And if Sasuke is lucky, he could claim Sakura as_ his _princess._

"Help me arrange the bed, dobe," the raven said under his breath, as they pulled the covers down and rearranged the pillows, so it appeared the owner was sleeping, and more pillows added to give appearance of another occupant; the bed was large enough for two, after all.

Naruto beamed at their handiwork. "Teme...you're a genius."

"Always." He snorted and stuck his tongue at the other.

 _And now,_ Naruto Uzumaki thought as he and Sasuke Uchiha slipped out of the room, deciding to take the back, _let's get the party started!_

~o~

He'd had enough drinking tonight, but after one more cup of sake, he was ready to clean up and then return to the others. Smiling to himself, Itachi moved to his bedroom and for his closet, choosing a light cotton shirt of gray and black jogging pants since it was just him and his boys. He pulled his hair out of its tie and rearranged it back into its original style. Exhaling, Itachi rubbed the exposed areas of skin on his neck, shoulders and chest as he straightened the chain around his throat.

 _If Sasuke and Naruto are in bed as they say at this time, after hassling me and the guys, then they've done us a favor tonight. Since they are not allowed to be at that disgraceful party tonight._

He remembered how he and the gang had been back in the day - which wasn't that long ago, to be honest, as he was only twenty-three now. He graduated college along with the rest two years ago, while he was still running the family company. He'd attended classes online for the majority, rarely ever setting foot on campus grounds, which Sasuke would be fortunate to have that he never did. If there was any hope for _otouto,_ it was that he stayed out of detention and kept a clean slate for himself - if he somehow managed to just BE there when any of his so-called friends were busted on DUI, high quality dope, or underage drinking.

Itachi sighed and cracked his neck, moaning at the release of tension in his muscles. That story about Orochimaru - how clever to scare poor Deidara and Tobi, and to have Hidan go far enough to leave his relics on the Uchiha fireplace for "protection" and prayer. True enough, the old tale was nothing more than an urban myth. Orochimaru, also known as the "Snake", was a renowned scientist who pushed beyond the limits, and his human experiments went too far that so many died in the processes. Half the locale believed he wasn't one of them, but a demon in human flesh among them. Sasuke had been accurate in remembering details such as the known fact that the serial killer's body was never found.

But his spirit? Itachi had to laugh. He splashed cold water on his face to "wake up" before leaving his bedroom to rejoin his friends downstairs.

Before he could, he decided a check-up on the boys was in order.

Sasuke ought to be a young man, but he wasn't worthy of the title given his behavior. It was a position to earn, not be given freely. Itachi didn't bother to knock, but when he snuck a peek through the crack, he smiled to himself when he saw the two lumps in the bed...but then it was gone immediately.

 _Wait a minute..._

Those lumps were too huge to be his brother and Naruto.

With that in mind, Itachi Uchiha threw the door open and stalked right over, pulling the covers back and revealing the lumps of pillows. Rage bubbled and boiled within him to the top of his system.

Sasuke and Naruto _snuck out of the damned house!_

"Kisame!" he bellowed, stalking down the stairs and into the sitting room. "Deidara, the rest of you - you won't believe this! My foolish little brother and Naruto have snuck out of this house!"

Tobi squealed and almost dropped a cup of cider that Sasori skillfully made for them all. "I-I-Itachi, he DID?" he yelped, almost spilling a drop onto the floor. "Where did he go?" Deidara glared at him and swatted him to the top of his mask, making him step back and whimper, rubbing the place.

"Where do you think, un? To the blasted party!" Itachi huffed as he stalked over to the rack beside the door to grab his coat. If raising hell was what it took to bring back his rebellious little brother and his best friend, then so be it.

Deidara hurried after him despite having canes, Sasori on his trail, and Tobi scampered far behind. Kisame was staying behind to watch over the house for them.

And in under ten minutes, with him behind the wheel, they were at none other than Kiba Inuzuka's house where it was a roaring of color and rambunctious behavior. _And young people on the verge of adulthood - the females especially - wearing the most scandalous of garments I have ever seen._ On the other hand, not that long ago, he and his friends with him had seen similarities at university.

And SASUKE and NARUTO were somewhere in that crowd.

"Oh, if this was college again, Hidan would say these fine asses were going to be worth the time!" Deidara exclaimed as he whistled, then was struck on the behind by none other than Sasori. "What, Sasori?! Not like I am interested in any of these ones!"

"You'd better stick to that," the redhead warned.

"The lot of you," Itachi interrupted with red across his vision, "close your yaps so we can go in, find my brother and his friend, and we can get out of here." All three of them nodded and turned to go in first - but the Uchiha was not lucky enough as he was suddenly ambushed by three young women with makeup and too-bright lipstick. One was dressed as a nurse, another a geisha, and the final a Greek goddess. He narrowed his eyes at them. "Ladies, if you would kindly step aside; I am not here for services. I am well over your age limit, thus you are setting me up for jail bait," he said coolly, causing them to step back. They were on the verge of crying that the object of their fantasies was breaking their hearts, but what did they expect? Fantasy and reality were completely separate from the other.

"Thank you," Itachi said when he now had his freedom to slip into the crowd and join his friends who kindly waited for him. He glared at them. "Did you three start looking around for Sasuke and Naruto?"

Tobi was visibly quivering. "I-Itachi, it's too much to look at in here." _Ah, the cute, masked virgin._ And the couple themselves were flushed but remaining straight-faced.

"Itachi, it's a costume-fest in here," Deidara said, wiping his forehead. "A living hell and nothing like we had. High school is much worse nowadays, I think."

"Dei, nothing has changed," Sasori snapped. "It has been less than ten years, and that's not enough for drastic altercations compared to fifteen to twenty years."

Itachi groaned and raised his hand to silence them. He was already sporting a headache just by being here. When they collected the boys, he could use more drinking and then bending his brother over his knee before them all like he should have done in the first place. "Just get on with it and comb out every inch of this place if you have to. Deidara and Sasori, you both stay downstairs, and Tobi, you look upstairs. I'm going to have a look around on this level, as well."

With that, the small group split up for the hunt.

~o~

He and Naruto were having a great time, and did he HAVE to describe the incredible sensation that coursed through him when he and Sakura rubbed against each other, her firm back and backside against his front? He groaned and held onto her, not wanting to let her go. Much of everyone else, even Naruto and Hinata, were doing the same.

 _Drums equals pumping blood..._

Hair colored like the cherry blossom in her name caressed his face like silk, smelling just like clean and uplifting sandalwood and freesia. It served as an aphrodisiac when she whirled around and increased tenfold when the beat picked up as the DJ switched songs to a somewhat baby-making tune. That was when things were on the rise, and he was leaning in to capture his girlfriend's lips with his...

"Sasuke! Naruto!"

Before they both knew it, both boys and their girlfriends were being pulled away from the dancefloor and into the hallway that was unoccupied, but they had to keep their voices lowered. Kiba - with Akamaru on top of his head - was joined by Rock Lee and Choji who was munching on one of the many snacks the host kept in his stash for the guests. "What the hell is going on, Kiba?" Naruto demanded, letting go of Hinata, who turned to look into the crowd, and gasped, slapping a hand over her mouth at what she saw.

"Sasuke...your brother is here," she whispered frightfully.

His eyes bulged along with Naruto's. Sakura put both hands over her mouth, at the same time Shikamaru showed up grimly.

"That's right, and should it be obvious WHO they are looking for?"

"Y-you mean Itachi AND friends are here?!" Naruto cried, throwing both hands to his head. "Oh, hell, Sasuke, we are so gonna get it now!"

"Not gonna happen, my youthful friends!" Lee declared. "Because Kiba knows just what to do, don't you, friend?"

The host himself bared his canines. "No worries. Meantime, the four of you head straight to my room to hide. Choji, you know where it is. Let the master deal with the uninvited guests."

~o~

Itachi Uchiha had NEVER been so insulted!

Deidara gulped when he saw it in the eyes of the Uchiha as they drove back to the house after they unsuccessfully tried to bring both Sasuke and Naruto back. What happened?

He and Sasori combed out every inch of the first level as ordered, but sometimes getting bumped by handsome-looking young men only to be reminded they were in high school and not college - and he had to remind himself and Sasori they were faithful to _each other._ Hell, one tried to offer them marijuana! His danna had never been so disgusted as he was. That stuff was TOXIC.

No sign of Sasuke OR Naruto.

Tobi? Oh, the blasted masked buffoon had to be talked into singing karaoke of all things! Which Itachi noticed and turned red to the face - and the clay artist wouldn't be surprised if steam gushed out through the ears - before he took the initiative himself and snuck up to the wall where the power was plugged in, successfully finding the plug to the music machine and shutting it all off so he could take the microphone from Tobi before ordering him down like a "good boy", then spoke like the ruthless man he was.

"I have been polite and lenient as I can be, but this is the final button to push. I am looking for my brother, Sasuke Uchiha, and you have thirty seconds or less to hand him over to me so I can take him home and give him the proper punishment he needs for behaving like the rest of you are doing. After taking care of him, being the father that we both lost five years ago on this very night, this is how he pays me back. Sasuke does not understand how lucky he is to have me as a brother as he is incredibly lucky to have Naruto Uzumaki as a friend and Sakura Haruno as the girl who genuinely loves him." He shook his head.

"Just how often does anyone realize what they have until they lose it?"

Deidara thought he was going to weep because it made him think of a certain redhead beside him right now, holding onto him even though he had canes, but these canes were nothing compared to Sasori's support. A support he had for as long as he could remember.

Unfortunately, Itachi was not so lucky, for he found himself being picked up by a group of brawny young men and hauled the hell out of there...

...and landed flat on his ASS on the lawn, narrowly missing the bushes. The trio - himself, Sasori and Tobi - rushed outside to see it all. When Itachi picked himself up, his ponytail was coming undone, and his flushed face was demonic especially in his eyes. He looked like the devil himself in a rage at the humiliation. A part of Deidara was on the verge of bursting out laughing his own ass off.

 _The great Itachi Uchiha thrown out by a bunch of kids and falls flat on his ass while trying to retrieve his rebellious teenage brother. Can this night get any better?_

Itachi glared up at them as he stood and dusted himself off. "Get in the car," he hissed, turning to stalk over to his parked luxury. "This is far from over, because these cretins will get what is expected of them!"

 **Aw, darn, the party over. :( But the fun's just getting started...**


	4. Spooks

**A little friendly warning: implied sexual activity if not shown. This is where the word spook really takes the turn. :D**

Chapter Four

Spooks

Sasuke had looked out the window of Kiba's bedroom when he saw it all happen; Naruto sat on the bed with Hinata, and Sakura was beside him on the other side of the window, peeking around the corner. His throat and lungs throbbed when he saw his almighty big brother get thrown out of the house and landing flat on his ass. _How does it feel to have your pride wounded, eh,_ aniki?

Itachi was visibly furious, probably cursing, when he stalked over to his car with Deidara, Sasori and Tobi in tow, glaring at the house and its occupants, but Sasuke quickly backed away before he was spotted.

"Okay, guys, they're all gone," Kiba announced, panting along with Akamaru, followed by the rest of the guys, all harried that they had to rally up much of their guests to haul out _the_ Itachi Uchiha - elder brother of Sasuke and president of Uchiha Corporations - onto the front lawn for all to see, and with his companions watching, no less. But now with the "uninvited guests" gone, Kiba was sweating bullets. "Suppose your brother called the cops..." he said, twisting to the face despite his experiences with the law.

Lee and Choji were on the verge of passing out, both turning white as ghosts, whereas Shikamaru was indifferent but knowing.

The moment of silence was broken by Sakura. "Sasuke...I love you, and everyone does, too...but I can't stand this drama with your brother any longer."

Sasuke stared down at her, dumbstruck. _You...what...? What is going on now?_ For years, she and Naruto both put up with the shit with Itachi, and now she was telling him that she was done with all of this. "What are you talking about?" he demanded, suddenly angry, when whipped his head to glare at Naruto who had both hands raised as if to tame the wild animal.

"Whoa, teme, slow down. She's right, because I've been wanting to say this for a while. This drama with Itachi - I agree he's a total ass, but he's still your brother, and he's the one who raised you after you both nearly died along with your parents. I know I wasn't there when it happened, but maybe you and I both should go back to the house and patch it up with him."

"Patch it up with him?!" he sputtered. What, set things right with that bastard? Like hell he would! They were here with their girls and their friends, having a well-deserved good time, and this was a very good way of dealing with any pain he'd had that terrible Halloween night five years ago...

Hinata was on the verge of fainting when she sensed the tense atmosphere. Sakura looked at him no differently than she'd look when the dobe used to give her perverted remarks when they were younger. The guys all gazed at him like he'd grown an extra pair of eyes.

And the determination in Naruto's eyes meant business. He was deadly serious about this. _Teme_ , _we are going back to your brother,_ his fury told the raven, _if I have to drag your ass out and break your bones in the mix._

~o~

Well, the hour reached not even half past eight, and yet the night seemed to drag on and on with tonight's events.

By the time they returned to the house, the moon was at its highest, and the mist began to grow, clouding much in its midst. But the only cloud looming over the _Akatsuki_ when they retreated into the sitting room where Kisame had been on the phone yapping to Kakuzu who had gotten drunk and went off with a floozy tonight - that cloud was none other than the wrath of Itachi Uchiha whose eyes seemed to turn red in the whites.

Mad as hell did not do him justice.

Deidara gulped as he slouched into the couch beside Sasori while the Uchiha began to rant. "Throwing me onto the bushes, and the three of you -" He raised his finger to the couple and poor Tobi. "- don't even lift a finger of your own to help me! Too busy enjoying yourselves instead of having my back like you always do!" he thundered, slamming his palm flat on the leather of the sofa behind the trio. Tobi squealed and leaped to his feet, stammering as ever.

"Itachi, we - we _do_ have your back. We _always_ had your back, but it was like the good old days for all of us," he insisted, fidgeting with his mask. Itachi scoffed and shook his head, waving his hand and turning his back to them all.

"Someone needs to call the police. That is all I am saying. We tried to bring the brats back ourselves, and now we must do what I desperately wished to avoid all night _just this once_ ," he ground out, baring his teeth.

Kisame reclined on the rocking chair that Mikoto Uchiha once sat in and knitted for her sons. "Itachi, you are so damned worried and uptight, you should call that brat's phone yourself!"

The Uchiha exhaled and slumped his shoulders. "You honestly think Sasuke would assume I'd CALL him if he tried to pull off this mess of slipping off behind my back?" he said icily. "Besides, I rechecked his bedroom and saw the phone left on his nightstand. He thought I would not figure it out." He then turned halfway back around and glared down at the trio. Deidara shrunk into Sasori who sunk into Tobi, who sunk back into the cushions.

"One of you is going to have to do the police for me. I have had enough dealing with the authorities in the last five years."

 _He wants one of us to call the cops because he's fed up with dealing with Sasuke..._ Deidara swallowed before pulling himself together. _If I have to, or my man or the idiot, then it has to be anonymously._ That meant the answer was final - but Itachi shook his head. "Tobi, you have no negative history with the authorities. Therefore I entrust you with the task," he said.

Deidara was gobsmacked, jolting against Sasori, and the two of them slipped an inch away from each other at the same time. "W-wh-wha-what, Itachi? Seriously, un, you are trusting HIM to make the call to the local authorities because you're tired of dealing with them?!" _But of course, it makes sense - even if Tobi might not..._

And thank the Kami that Itachi asked Tobi what he was going to say, and HOW he would say it.

The masked buffoon swallowed as he held up his mobile - a Blackberry and nothing like the up-to-date iPhone or Smartphones of today's decade. "I'll say that I am being held against my will, and I need help?" he questioned innocently, causing a mild uproar.

"Tobi, you idiot," Kisame growled through his teeth, "tell them that our eighteen-year-old is in danger at an underage party and needs help to be retrieved, and that is exactly what Itachi implies. Do you understand?!" At the outburst, Tobi whimpered again and hastily dialed 911.

~o~

Half past eight, he and Naruto arrived back at the house when the wise old owl called into the night. The trick or treaters were becoming lesser and lesser, but the adults and adolescents continued to party hard and well into the night - unlike _them_. _Man, and I thought tonight couldn't get any worse..._

They slipped in through the back and crept through the kitchen in time to hear the voices in the sitting room. Tobi was on the phone with... _the cops?!_ He stiffened and momentarily halted in his steps, and as a consequence, Naruto nearly ran into him before he, too, heard the conversation.

"...Sasuke in trouble..."

Oh, shit, Itachi told the masked klutz that HE was in the deep end and needed a rescue party. He cursed in their native language before ushering Naruto to hurry out of here so they could rush up the stairs and quickly change so it looked like they never left. Itachi would NEVER believe him if he'd said that he'd been in his room because it was warmer than his own room. _Yeah, lame, right?_ Even Naruto would agree on that.

Under another half hour, Naruto had washed off his makeup, and both he and Sasuke were in their pajamas to look like they were sleeping someplace rather than out. "And dobe," Sasuke hissed, "make sure there are no traces left."

"No traces left of _what_? Pray tell, foolish _otouto._ "

There stood none other than the devil himself, eyes narrowed like a snake's and bearing dangerously down on them both. Naruto gulped and slipped behind Sasuke who assumed a defensive position before his elder who shook his head in pure disappointment and defeat, and... _failure?_

Something in Sasuke died when he looked into those painful eyes - and wished he hadn't.

SLAP!

The pain in his face that followed proved more of a torment to his broken heart, which reopened for the first time since the tragedy five years ago. This time involved his own brother who expressed his feelings without speaking. He'd given up on Sasuke, and the younger knew it. Tomorrow would be the decided fate for him, maybe.

Worst case scenario: he would be forced out of the house he'd been born and grew up in, all because of HIMSELF.

~o~

He'd forced Naruto downstairs to be with the others while he berated Sasuke and forced him to sit down on the bed while he screamed his rage out at his disappointment of a brother. He was aware that the walls were pierced, but he no longer cared.

Even as he sat back down with the others in a tense silence, no festivity or lightness present, and Tobi having gone upstairs to give some entertainment to the boys, Itachi leaned back and closed his eyes as he recalled the heated, hateful words.

 _"Sasuke, after all I've done for you -"_

 _"What will you say now, Itachi, huh? That I'm a fool?"_

 _"YES! You're an even greater fool for the last time. You're eighteen years old, for Kami's sake; you should start taking responsibility now! All these years, and you've carved me into a thousand pieces! I tried telling myself you were not to blame, but you refuse to see reason that I was NOT responsible for that accident! I thought I was going to lose you as I'd lost Mother and Father - but look at you! You take your pain out on me, the older brother who loves you more than his own life!"_

 _"Oh, you_ love _me, do you? You expected me to happily move on just like that? I was thirteen years old! Everything was taken from me!"_

 _"You were YOUNG, SASUKE! I WAS THE ONE WHO ASSUMED THE BURDEN OF TAKING OVER THE INHERITANCE AND LOOKING AFTER YOU, PROVIDING FOR YOU, BUT YOU THROW IT AT ME LIKE THE SPOILED BRAT YOU ARE! I FEEL LIKE I FAILED YOU IN EVERY STEP OF THE WAY!"_

He would _never_ forget the look in Sasuke's eyes.

 _"You feel like you failed me? You noticed just now, did you? What about all those years before that night, huh? When I was a child, you NEVER paid attention to me! When I needed you the most, Father put you on the pedestal and sometimes often forgot about ME, his other son! When I wanted you to just look at me, praise me for_ me _, you always flick my forehead and say 'another time' - but when did you EVER HAVE TIME FOR ME, ITACHI?!"_

If he said his heart was carved into irreparable pieces, then he saw no going back now.

 _"I hate you, Itachi, and I will hate you FOREVER!"_

At the same time he felt a tear burn the corner of his eye, he and the others were startled by the rapid steps coming down the stairs. For a moment, he was hopeful it was Sasuke or Naruto, at least - Naruto was his best friend, after all, so he knew Sasuke better than his own brother did, admittedly - but it was only Tobi, frightful as ever. "I - Tobi heard scratching!" he cried, taking shallow breaths and failing to calm down.

"What the hell now?" Sasori snapped after being in the middle of flipping channels on the flatscreen with Deidara holding onto him and on the verge of falling asleep, but now he was alert and awake thanks to the one he loved calling an idiot more than the rest of them.

Tobi threw his hands in the air. "I think it's...the man who died in this house...the one with the monstrous experiments... _Orochimaru_!"

"Oh, hell, THAT again," Kisame grumbled, burying his nose in the paper that had come early in the morning, with nothing interesting in particular.

Itachi sighed and rubbed his forehead. First, his baby brother and then said brother saying he hated him and always would, and now this again as his shark friend pointed out. "For the love of the gods, calm down, Tobi. There is nobody -"

He was interrupted by the harsh banging on the front door. Tobi screamed and leaped on his feet before landing back on both. Deidara and Sasori both jumped up as Itachi did. His heart leaped against his sternum at the sudden intrusion. Who could _that_ be now at this time of night? It couldn't be trick or treaters...

"It's him, it's him -!" Tobi wailed, giving them all a greater headache than before. He threw his hands to his hair and tugged with uncontrollable paranoia.

"Dumbass, would you HUSH?" Deidara almost shouted.

"Tobi," Itachi said through a painfully clenched jaw, "there are NO ghosts in this house. And even if such did exist, they would not be knocking on my damned door. It's utter nonsense." He scoffed and dropped his hand to his lap. "Deidara, open the door."

The blond huffed. "Oh, I know you're _not_ sending _me_ to the damned door, un!" he spat, even though he grabbed his canes. Then blue eyes bulged as a devilish grin graced his features. "Oh, you're scared, yeah!"

Itachi huffed and crossed his arms over his chest. How DARE he insinuate such -! "I am NOT scared! Would you just answer the door before I take your canes and make that leg wound of yours worse than it is now?"

The banging got louder to the point where Kisame snarled and stood up as no one could agree - not even the owner himself - on who would answer. Itachi didn't need to peek over his friend's shoulder to see who he was speaking to: Ibiki Morino. The man was damned good at every job in his division, but he was notorious for slaps on the wrist. His and Sasuke's relationship was far from being friendly or cordial, as a result.

"Itachi Uchiha!"

"Ibiki," he answered coolly when he stepped behind Kisame, "what can I do for you?"

"We may have received a call saying that your brother was in trouble yet again, but were you aware of this?" the scar-faced detective asked with a raised eyebrow. "We went to the Inuzuka house and took care of that runt and his guests, but we didn't find Sasuke anywhere. If this is all a prank tonight..."

"Detective Morino."

There stood the troublesome youth himself, in a black t-shirt and plaid blue-and-black sleeping pants, revealing his face and showing he "hadn't" been at the party, "confirming" it was all a prank. Ibiki scowled. "Uchiha," he said, "I get it is Halloween and there are always tricks to play - but the police force takes it that much harder. And given your record of being 'present but not directly involved', enough is enough. I'm warning you, but before I leave, enjoy your fun and call it an evening." He nodded to Itachi before turning his back. This was his cue to close the door, but when he turned back to his brother, Sasuke was already gone in a flash. He sighed again out of habit.

And just like that, the blasted lights again!

There were screams again, but this time, they were brief. Itachi growled and clapped his hands together, and the power was back. "I've had enough of this shit tonight. Sasuke!" Since he was certain _otouto_ had something to do with this, he demanded the younger come back, and he did, for he was in a flash before his elder and Kisame. "Do you have the faintest idea of what is going on, hn?"

The younger shrugged with one shoulder. "Orochimaru?"

"There is no Orochimaru, and no undead in this house, _otouto!_ These lies of yours are bringing you one step closer to me kicking you out here and now."

Sasuke's face remained unchanged even as he held out both hands and then gave his body a twirl, showing no pockets or anything that had made the lights react this way. "You disbelieve me now? You think I'm toying with the power and everything?" he asked coyly, smirking now. "And if you think Naruto has something to do with it, he'd have to be right next to me to pull this trick off."

Deidara made his appearance. "You little dumbass, I've had enough of you scaring us all tonight!" he said angrily. "Get the hell out of here before you make us all and your big brother worse on you than we already are." Sasuke snorted at him and lifted his chin, then turned with a huff.

"Fine, believe what you want. But I'm telling all of you," he called over his shoulder, "the safest places are the beds."

~o~

Naruto crawled under the bedcovers, nervous out of his wits yet again. He hadn't been this scared since he was thirteen years old, and ghosts were always the ones to frighten him out of his pants more than demons, witches and zombies - with the exception of CLOWNS. After all, they were real and appeared funny before turning a dime on you and scarring you for life.

Sasuke was back in no time, smirking but saying nothing. "They still are buying the Orochimaru bullshit," he said smugly, jumping onto his side and using his arms as an extra pillow. "Tonight was fun while it lasted." Naruto nodded wordlessly, though he had a feeling the "fun" was _far_ from over. If not by them again, then what else could happen as it was approaching nine?

Gazing out the window at the glowing moon and spectral fog didn't lighten it up.

~o~

He and Sasori had gotten pretty rough tonight, and now he was limping as he made his way to the shower while his redhead remained in the bedroom. He'd "offered" to join Deidara, but the blond warned him off in that if they'd showered together, it meant more pain in his leg.

However, in the middle of relaxing his muscles and getting ready for bed - and by bed, he meant _real sleep_ \- Deidara exclaimed in shock when the pleasantly warm water suddenly turned HOT. And by hot... _scorch, scorch,_ scorching! _Damn it, what the hell?!_ He slipped to the other end and pushed the curtain aside to see what had caused this. He didn't hear a toilet flush, but the sink faucet was running.

"Damn it, man, did you turn the water on?!" he shouted, getting no reply, which told him the answer was yes. Growling through his teeth, he turned off the shower and grabbed his towel, stepping out and deciding this was enough. He was clean - but he was going to give his danna a piece of his mind. Reaching over, he turned off the sink faucet and began to dry himself off, at the same time the bathroom door opened, and Sasori looked at him with smoldering eyes. "Nah uh, don't think you are getting more of me tonight after kneeing me in my leg, or with this." Deidara nodded behind him to the now-off sink, making his partner frown now.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, like you don't know, un. Turning the sink on while I am in the middle of cleaning myself up. Thought you could play a trick on me tonight that didn't involve ghosts, clowns and such, yeah?"

Sasori bristled. "Since when have I ever committed such childish pranks against you, Dei?" he exclaimed, just as a strange noise startled them both. Both men jumped and whirled at the source of the sound.

The sink had _groaned._ Then the water turned on again, this time warmer than before. Snorting, Sasori took the liberties to reach over and turn it off, smiling but making the blond roll his eyes.

They were disappointed when the water turned on AGAIN. And this time, the water was hot enough to match the delicious shower that had been cruelly interrupted for poor Deidara. "Un, danna, so it wasn't you, after all!" he realized, earning a grunt of disdain and disbelief. He reached over himself, but the pipes wouldn't respond and cut off the supply.

 _What the hell is going on, un?_ The question mirrored his partner's, while the steam rose from the faucet and began to cloud the mirror above it...and then there was a harsh squeaking sound that cut through their senses. "What the hell is that?" Sasori seethed as his eyes bulged in his sockets at the _WRITING_ that now appeared on the fogged mirror - and it was from _neither of them._

 **あなたの**

"Get - 'get your' -" Deidara uttered, feeling his skin break out into a terrible sweat from both the heat and his own impending panic attack as the next bit appeared: **ゲイ**

 _"Gay" - WHAT THE HELL?!_

Even Sasori, the fearless puppet master, was losing his composure as he quickly grabbed another towel for his boyfriend to wrap around his waist just as the ghostly message was sprawled across the mirror...the last bit doing the final trick.

The whole message in their language was this: **あなたのゲイのお尻を出す** **-** **または死ぬ**

Literally translated: _**Get your gay asses out - or DIE!**_

Both Deidara and Sasori screamed at the tops of their lungs, the redhead fumbling with the door himself and running out first, taking the other by the wrist, and running like the wind out of their guest room and yelling out.

"ITACHI!"

~o~

Tobi had a room of his own, scared to be alone, but Kisame didn't want to share it with him and took to downstairs. Sasori and Deidara were together, and so were little Uchiha and his best friend in their own room - and that saved Itachi for last. Tobi was anxious to be alone, but if he believed what Sasuke said about Orochimaru, then the bedrooms were safe. At least each room had its own bathroom, and they'd all eaten and drank a lot earlier.

Bless the owner for the sleeping pills in the cabinets in case there was trouble sleeping. Tobi could use it if he wanted to, but he was a natural tire. He was just about done with the nature program and had just turned it off, slipping under the covers with his shoes off as he'd forgotten to bring his own sleepwear. But Itachi already let the artistic couple borrow some of his things, so he might not appreciate the "idiot" asking, therefore Tobi decided to not add to his plate.

The TV screen flicked back on to life, making him frown beneath his mask he had yet to remove for sleep. _Now, wait...did Tobi just turn you off?_ This displayed a flock of white cranes taking off from a marsh into the air. With a frown, Tobi pressed the power button many times - without success.

 _ **"Tobiiiii..."**_

He froze, eyes widening. That...that voice...

 _ **"TOBIIIII..."**_

"Y-yes?" he whimpered, curling beneath the blankets like a little child - much littler than he was now - and looked around to try and find where the voice was coming from. It was soft, hissing like a slithering serpent...but loud enough to echo across the walls. "Oh, now you're gonna call my name?!"

The television suddenly changed from the friendly program to something much scarier and threatening to have him wet the bed and make Itachi throw a fit if he found out: the screen was black, save for the lone face swirling into focus and coming close enough to threaten coming out at him.

Long black hair...

...a face white as snow...

...narrowed yellow eyes...

 _A smile that penetrated your heart._

"Who...?" was all the poor masked man could get out as he felt his "accident" getting closer.

There was a deep-throated chuckle, but the face on the television didn't change, and the voice above him answered: _**"It is I..."**_

He didn't need to ask who "I" was. "Orochimaru! Oh, HELL NO!" And just like that, he bolted out of the safe haven that was bed, knowing he wouldn't be safe if he stayed in this one spot any longer. " _HELL NO!"_ He found himself slamming into the closed door, stunned before recollecting himself and getting the door open. "ITACHI!" he wailed, tripping over himself in the process as he ran down the hallway corridors. _"ITACHIIII!"_

The demonic face on the television had been watching him even after he fled with his life, the lips pulling back now to reveal the teeth in a manner that truly made you scream and would haunt your dreams as long as the gods deemed fit.

 **Ask yourselves this: is it just a juvenile prank for revenge...or is it true that something much darker and sinister is at play here? ;D (wicked laughter) Somewhat pays homage to "Ju-On: The Grudge", one of my favorite modern Japanese horror movies.**


	5. House of Horrors

**I see no one is reviewing this even though a couple people favorited and followed - it makes me sad. :( I almost never ask except one time at the beginning of each story, or a couple times if necessary. The writer LOVES to hear from you guys, you know that. I'm sorry if I'm whining, but pretty please?**

 **I must add another warning in here: implied and mentioned masturbation, as well as brief nudity, but again, nothing graphic.**

Chapter Five

House of Horrors

"Tobi, what the hell is wrong with you?!" Itachi yelled as he sat up in his bed, when the door slammed open, and then followed by Sasori and Deidara in a TOWEL, all three crying out his name and in a mix of confusion and panic. He had been reading a book on an ancient battle between his ancestor and the other who founded Konoha ages ago - and with all the lights on - when these three interrupted him.

 _Anything to avoid the topic of Sasuke tonight._

"Answer me, damn it!" he demanded when none of them answered right away.

Tobi had dropped his mask halfway before readjusting it back to its original place. "Some - something happened in my room, Itachi!" he uttered. "My TV wouldn't go off!"

"Yeah, and I was taking a shower when the water in the sink wouldn't go off, either!" Deidara concurred, standing behind Sasori and holding onto him tightly around the waist.

 _The television...the water...are they playing around with ME now?_ He glared at all three of them murderously. And Sasori - cynical and disbelieving Sasori - had lost it and was agreeing with both his partner and the masked idiot. "Itachi, we are not playing around with you! I was there when I saw it with Dei; there was writing on the mirror, and it said 'get your gay asses out, or _die_ '." He was paler than a specter now, biting his lip nervously. "Itachi -"

Itachi laid his head back and just let it hit the wall. Honestly, all of this had to be another prank; it was Halloween, after all. If Sasuke was doing this and none of them realized it, then he planned to go to his brother's room to check and make sure. "You really believe that a GHOST is in this house?" he asked haughtily. "You really believe my brother? It's either him and Naruto or...Kisame playing tricks on you." _Of course, Kisame could do it on his own if he wants to._

"No, Kisame is downstairs!" Tobi insisted. "I saw it myself."

"And the boys are out like logs in their room," Deidara agreed, the sight of him making Itachi wish he'd put some clothes on. Really, in a situation like this?

A chill washed over him out of nowhere, from his skin to his bones, turning him into an icicle. "You mean...Kisame is still in the chair he was in before?" he managed, feeling his shell slowly give way. And if that was the case, if Sasuke and Naruto were indeed in bed as said...he quickly shook his head and his body of this nonsense. "All of you, go back to bed instead of acting like you are scared schoolgirls!" he snapped, but the cold feeling remained. Holding onto his closed and marked book gave only mild comfort.

"Un, don't you act like YOU aren't scared!" Deidara exclaimed, halfway standing out from behind Sasori.

"I am NOT scared!"

"Then why are you in bed with all the lights on in every corner?" Sasori pointed out snidely.

Itachi swallowed. "I was...reading."

All three pairs of eyes regarded him critically, fear forgotten, before asking in unison, "Reading _what?_ " He held up the book in front of their eyes.

"My family's history from founding times and before. Nothing but chivalry and courage to keep off the troubles of tonight." _Sadly only limited..._

 _ **BANG!**_

Tobi squealed and leaped onto the bed, trying to dive beneath the covers beside the disgruntled Uchiha, whilst the couple flew beneath the bed itself and held onto each other for dear life - and in the process, Deidara ended up losing his towel and showing off his business to every one of them. Itachi rolled his eyes before closing them. "The both of you, get out from under my bed! Now, where in the name of the gods did that come from?!"

"F-fr-from the basement?" Tobi whimpered, peeking out from the blankets up at him. With a groan, Itachi slid out of bed and pulled the other to his feet.

Deidara poked his head out. "Itachi, we have to get out of here!" He was the first out, and his nudity was the least to worry about even though he picked up his towel and followed his lover, the masked idiot, and Itachi himself out of the room as they hurried to get the hell out of here.

 _The story said that Orochimaru had worked and died in the basement of this house..._

Itachi Uchiha did NOT believe in spiritual nonsense, but too many strange things were happening tonight, and his friends were getting the snuff scared out of them tonight. His first instinct was to go towards Sasuke's room and find him and Naruto, but his friends pushed him forward and down the stairs in outrage. Anything to get away from the upstairs.

 _We were supposed to be safe in the bedrooms like Sasuke said - or was that all just part of HIS game, away from the actual story of the ghost?_

Just as they were all downstairs, the first thing he saw was none other than Kisame, but the shark-faced man was sprawled across the sofa and covered with an old knitted blanket Mikoto once made for him and Sasuke. "What the hell?!" Kisame exclaimed as he glared up at the group, rustling beneath the cover.

Itachi took a deep breath before calmly speaking. "Kisame - stop playing games with these men upstairs."

"WHAT? I wasn't playing damned jokes. I was playing with myself," Kisame said, as if it were the most casual thing in the world. There was a raise beneath the covers at a _certain part_ , making the Uchiha wince before pulling himself together.

"Shark-Face, my man and I - and the dumbass -" Sasori swatted Tobi on the back of the head. "- are out of breath from running and seeing strange things happening in our rooms, and it's got to be YOU since the boys are upstairs sleeping their asses off. And Dei is tired of running down the stairs because of his leg, or do you not give a rat's ass?" Itachi narrowed his eyes at the redhead. _He's cursing as much as Hidan right now, and with good reason. I feel like it very much._

"Kisame, all I can say is stop playing around, and all of us go back upstairs now to bed. It's a couple hours until midnight -"

And just like that, the loud bang from beneath returned. Deidara and Tobi screamed and scrambled behind Sasori who looked down at the floor with wide eyes. The brave puppeteer was slowly turning into one of the "scared little girl" crowd. But Itachi...

 _Whatever it was...it's down there in the basement. We have to check it out._

Kisame stayed where he was, across the couch and covered up. "What I really hear is all of you screaming like fools," he said crudely, grinning from ear to ear.

Tobi sank nearly to his knees as he looked up at Itachi. "Itachi...I know you heard it."

"No, I did not!" _Liar._

"Yes, you did!" the masked one returned. "That's also where HE killed those people and ended up dead himself, part of the lost experiments..." He broke off, blubbering like an infant and fell to hold onto Sasori's legs like he'd done to Hidan earlier. _Too late to call the priest himself. Not only because he's far off, but because his damned trinkets didn't do much to "protect" us from this mess..._

Itachi growled. Whatever was down there - and he would see with his own two eyes - he was going to be a man and go down there to investigate. "I'll go down there," he said, resigned, "and see what is going on. The three of you stay up here with Kisame. I'm not afraid!" He threw his hands in the air and began to make way back through the doorway and turned a corner for the basement. "I'm the man of this house!"

 _Why the hell should I be scared of the unknown in my own home?_

He found himself now standing before the door he was looking for which no one dared open in years, himself included and Sasuke when they were younger: _the basement._ He swallowed and reached for the knob, turning it and opening it to show darkness. Taking a deep breath, Itachi descended down the steps on his bare feet. The dusty floorboards creaked with each step he took down towards the source of the mysterious, terrifying noise, making him think of modern horror movies of the last decade.

"There is _nothing_ down here," he breathed to himself by the time he reached the end. Down here was where the light switch was located to his left. When that was flipped upwards, Itachi flinched when the bulb overhead flickered a number of rapid times before remaining on for good. His flinch remained when he looked around at the many stacks of cardboard boxes and crates. Hardly worthy to be called an ancient laboratory of unorthodox human experiments, if he said so himself.

However, before he could proceed further, he halted and began to search for a weapon in case he came across trouble - possibly an intruder. A human, physical being and nothing spectral. You could never be too careful. And luck was on his side when he found an old-looking baseball bat to his left, standing against a box. Smirking, Itachi tested it and thought it good enough.

Itachi would carry on, keeping the weapon close to him, feeling safer and stronger.

He scowled when he looked around at the crazy-looking costumes he found himself staring at when he ventured. Masquerade and debutante material, a sheet that could mean someone once dressed as a ghost, amongst others...

...and a disgusting looking life-sized _clown. If Deidara and Tobi see that, they would REALLY have more than an "accident"._ Snorting with laughter, Itachi turned to walk away and continue - only to hear heavy breathing and a CREAK. Heart leaping again in his chest, and acting on instinct, Itachi whirled around and raised the bat - only to see the clown standing a few feet away from him and against the collection of costumes that continued in his intended direction. He frowned as he gazed upon that depraved version of circus entertainment in _his house._

"Kami damn it, I know that clown was back there..."

 _I know the damned thing didn't move from where it was._

However, as soon as his back was turned, his spine began to crawl with the sensation that _something was behind him._ The hairs rose on the back of his neck. Hot breath crawled across his flesh.

Acting once more on impulse, Itachi swung around, raised the bat, and struck its target. _That blasted clown - it's ALIVE!_ And as it landed back on the ground, it groaned and moved a little. Baring his teeth, Itachi struck one more time, this time to the groin and giving more pain than before. He'd placed the first blow to that big red nose of its, before common sense insisted he turn and leave, go back upstairs while he had the chance...

Itachi Uchiha could safely admit that he feared for his own life - but now the others upstairs were his number one priority. _But was that thing the one to scare Tobi, Deidara and Sasori?_

He stumbled his way up the stairs before he regained his footing and turned to slam the door shut, quickly locking it in place before hurrying back into the sitting room where the others were. He barely heard Tobi ask if HE was all right, then exclaimed as soon as he saw him come. "Itachi!"

His bones were weary from running, and he was so out of breath that he dropped the bat and fell to his knees. "Weasel, are you all right?!" Sasori demanded as they ran to surround him and help him to his feet. Deidara was now dressed up in pants, but no damned shirt.

"I heard you coming up the stairs like a boar shaking the whole damn house," Kisame told him with a chortle. He hadn't moved from the couch, either. Which also meant that he hadn't been behind any of this as originally believed.

"Un, what happened?" Deidara pressed. "What did you find down there?!"

He couldn't bring himself to answer, and never thought he would say these words. "We have to...go to your house," he said to Sasori and Deidara who were beyond ecstatic.

"I thought you'd NEVER ask!" the blond said, slapping his back.

 _But first, we got to collect my brother and Naruto from upstairs._

Itachi jerked his head up when Tobi screamed again and ran back over to them, having fled from the door. "What the hell is it now, Tobi?" he asked angrily, his heart hammering so hard that he thought he would have an attack. He looked up at the door, at the window high above, and frowned, seeing nothing. "Idiot, I don't see anything, nor will I fall for it!" But Sasori and Deidara didn't look convinced.

Oh, the poor masked bastard lost it. "IT WAS A _CLOWN!_ "

Itachi gasped sharply, taking a step back. "You saw...a _clown?_ " _Could it be the same one...? How the hell did the bastard get out of the basement?! I KNOW I locked the door!_ "What...did it...look like...?"

"Oh, dirty, crazy-looking clown!" Deidara's eyes bulged. He HATED clowns, so to hear about one again...and Itachi was losing it now. Swallowing, he picked up the bat and held it close to himself. Might as well tell them.

"I saw one in the basement," he confessed.

And damn Kisame, the one who was supposed to be his best friend and believer with them, but NO, he wasn't a witness to any of this and unharmed more than the four of them - as he so charmingly pointed out. "I'm looking at four clowns right in front of me," he sneered. "Have you all stand side by side looking like a four-in-one."

Itachi glared back at him, tempted to whack the hell out of him with the bat he was cradling. "Kisame, I'm telling you, something IS in this house - _my house,_ damn it!"

Deidara clutched Sasori's arm, finding his boyfriend as better support than his canes. "We got to go."

"Yes, we get out of here," Itachi said, but before he could voice the decision to run up and get the boys, the trio in front of him screeched again as they seemed to be startled once again out of their pants by something that might be behind him - but Itachi didn't turn around yet. He didn't WANT to, even though he was armed and ready.

"Itachi -!" Tobi and Deidara both were now onto each other as they were Sasori, making Kisame roll his eyes and mutter to himself.

"I'm getting ready to choke the hell out of him. I'm going to punch him dead."

"Kisame, shut up!" Itachi snapped before noticing that Sasori, Tobi and Deidara were whimpering in the face as one and motioning behind him... "The three of you, if something is RIGHT behind me -"

Sasori swallowed hard, gulped and nodded.

"Well, what is it?!" His hold on the bat tightened, his palms breaking out into sweat - and that was when he heard IT. "What is that breathing?"

"It's the _cloooowwwn,_ " Tobi moaned out, drawing the vowels in despair.

Well, that about did it for all of them. With no time to waste, Itachi whirled around and struck the clown across the face - the loud POP of the red nose echoed throughout the house - and he was off and running with the trio out the door, the commotion insane and confused...but overall horrific for all of them. All Itachi was aware of as they shoved themselves through the doorway was Sasori yelling out "Hell, no!" endlessly. His car - Itachi's - was parked in place, whereas Sasori's was next to the sidewalk.

"Get in the car!" Itachi yelled.

His doors had been left unlocked for all of them to pile in: him in the driver's seat, Sasori next to him, and Deidara and Tobi in the back - and the "poor" blond exclaimed, "Un, excuse me with the running; you all know I had leg surgery with one more to take!" _Who the hell cares about your damned leg when we got something more important after us?!_

However, it was then and there that Itachi realized the worst mistake he'd ever made tonight besides the dealings with his brat of an _otouto._ "Damn it!" he swore. "I forgot the damned keys!" _And with the damned circus freak still in the house, there is no way in hell I am going back in there!_ He angrily slapped the steering wheel, losing his temper more tonight than he remembered.

"Well, what do you want to do, weasel?" Deidara asked. "Hotwire it, un!"

The Uchiha turned around and glared at him. "Deidara, 'hotwire' it? I'm a clean gentleman! Who do you think I am, a common criminal?"

Tobi piped up nervously. "Wait...Itachi?" Even the innocence made all three pairs of eyes spin around and glare at him, but he didn't shrink back when they raised their voices with "WHAT, TOBI?!"

"Are we just going to leave the boys in the house with the CLOWN?!" the masked man demanded.

Itachi swore under his breath. Damn it, he'd forgotten about his brother and Naruto, but before he could answer, there was a harsh knock on the window that made them all jump and scream, at first thinking it was the clown - _or the blasted Orochimaru spirit_ \- but it was only Kisame. Angrily, Itachi rolled the window down on the other side of Sasori. "Kisame, what the hell?!" he demanded, only for the shark man to hold out his hand, and in it were none other than his Samsung and the goddamned car keys he'd forgotten.

And Kisame was having a field day with this. "Weasel, you don't normally forget what's important - just like you forgot your baby brother and his little friend upstairs."

"Yes, and do me and all of us a major favor, Kisame." Itachi looked at him long and hard. "We're going ahead to get the hell out of here, so you are to get my brother and Naruto out of there yourself while we hightail to the church for Hidan."

"Well, a little prayer and protection wouldn't hurt," Tobi mumbled, clasping his hands in front of his self.


	6. Night of the Living Dead

**From this point on, there is a combination of the movie's climax as well as a departure for REAL supernatural forces. :O Therefore had to be handled extremely with care.**

 **Yup, named after the George A. Romero classic for obvious reasons and more. ;)**

Chapter Six

Night of the Living Dead

Sasuke had been falling asleep when he heard the screaming, and it was not even ten. Frowning, he turned over to shake Naruto awake. "Loser, wake up!"

Blue eyes blinked away wearily, then he reached up and rubbed his eyes. "Nh - wha -?" he muttered. "What's going on?"

"I heard screaming," Sasuke answered, jumping out and frowning, stretching. "I wonder what my brother and his band of bastards are doing." _If they are playing too much with each other without us, then this calls for some secret fun to watch._ He let a smile cross his face as he walked up to the door and cracked it open an inch to peek out.

However, the fun was gone as he no longer heard voices. The frown returned. "What the hell -?" He opened the door wider, only to hear the door opening and slamming shut again. "Naruto, we're going to investigate." And never mind he didn't want to see or speak to Itachi. He didn't look behind him when he heard the rustling of bedcovers and the padding of bare feet. The heat on his back grew when he felt the blond's presence creep up behind him, and Naruto leaned over his shoulder to attempt a peek at the action - which they both missed.

"What was happening?"

"How the hell do I know? We missed the fun, whatever it was." Sasuke snorted. He was just about to close the door when Kisame's voice called up to them.

"I know you tadpoles are awake. You can come down. It's just the three of us now."

Sasuke growled. That shark had highly developed senses; hell, he wasn't even human despite living amongst them. "What the hell do you want, Kisame," he demanded as he stepped out, the dobe following close behind, "and where are my brother and the rest of your crazy friends?"

Shark-Face chuckled; if he was phased right now, he decided to not show it. "Let's say that whatever pranks you two fools were playing on them tonight really sent them into a great scare like a school of fish chased by the big, bad shark," he purred, teeth gleaming. Naruto shuddered audibly and visibly. "Really ingenious, though I don't know how you did it."

 _Pranks...what the hell?!_ Sasuke scowled at him. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said angrily as he descended further down the stairs, "but we were asleep since we returned, laid down not even an hour ago." He gripped the banister at the end when he paused at the final step.

"What was...going on?" Naruto asked nervously, biting a nail out of sheer anxiety.

Kisame shrugged as he turned to walk back into the sitting room, not before grabbing the whiskey decanter for himself, not bothering to ask the young men if they wanted any since they were underage. "Well, I heard writing on the bathroom mirror and a call from Orochimaru - and now this business about a clown in the basement..."

Both of them stiffened against each other, then Sasuke slowly turned around and looked Naruto in the eyes, swallowing quietly while the blond gulped loudly. "D-did you say...Orochimaru SPOKE?" he managed, making the shark laugh loudly. _How the hell -? All of this was but a joke to scare Itachi and them so we could...! And "writing on the mirror"? A CLOWN IN THE HOUSE?! We didn't do ANY of that!_ His thoughts mirrored Naruto's wide blues.

"And now Itachi and the rest flee in fright, leaving us here?!" Naruto finally screeched, making him jump off the final step and recollect himself.

"Aw, come on, boys; there is no one here but the three of us."

"Yeah, because we might as well be blamed for something we didn't do. The Orochimaru thing was just a joke, but his _voice?_ " Sasuke huffed. "Like I said, we were both still asleep until we heard all the screaming, so if it wasn't us or you, then -?"

All was silent as quickly as the air became cold.

Naruto broke the silence. "S-Sas-uke," he whispered, "maybe we should go back to our rooms until your brother comes back..."

Suddenly, the lights went out and then came back on. Naruto leaped off the stairs, screaming and running over to Kisame, who growled and glared down at him with pure antagonism. "Boy, if you're playing with the lights -"

"No, I swear!" He held up both hands and then turned around like Sasuke had done earlier. "I did once earlier, but now I don't have it on me. And Sasuke doesn't, either," he said, nodding towards the raven's way. Sasuke nodded, though his throat felt dry and aching.

 _If it's not any of us, then who or WHAT is...?_

It was then and there that a low but audible, hissing voice filled their senses, making them all jerk their heads up towards the ceiling as soft, chilling laughter followed.

 _ **"Welcome to my nightmare..."**_

~o~

"When we get back to the house, we'll see if an exorcism can do the trick on the ghost of Orochimaru in there!" Deidara was yapping, giving the Uchiha a headache. "Hidan can do that himself, or he could have a friend called in and do the job -"

"Dei, we saw a _clown_ \- a physical being in a costume - but a ghost?!" Itachi huffed as they ventured deeper down the lonely road, deeper into the country part, where Hidan's Jashinist church was located. "When this is over, that clown will be the least of our worries." He sighed to himself; Sasuke really did a hell of a job with the Orochimaru thing.

Tobi seemed to lighten up even when they left. "You know, going to Hidan's church won't be so bad, because we could use a little prayer..."

Itachi exclaimed in outrage when the sound of the engine reached his ears, and the vehicle lurched forward before stopping. He cursed in his tongue. "Weasel, roll back!" Sasori suggested, and that was just what he did, but when he put his beloved luxury - which had been in damned good shape because he made sure of it all the time! - in reverse, the engine sputtered and died, making him see red.

"Itachi, don't cut it off!" Tobi cried.

"I didn't cut it off!" he snapped. "It just DIED on me! Son of a -!" _WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG NOW?!_ He unbuckled and opened the door before getting out. "I'm going to check the hood. Tobi, get out and come help me." The masked man sputtered with fright at being out here in the dark, but he was struck by Deidara to get his ass out and help the Uchiha, and he complied with uncontrollable whimpers and quivers.

"Two people need to open the hood, idiot, un!"

Now Itachi had his help beside him. _One...two..._

The hood was opened without trouble then. There didn't seem to be anything wrong, but upon further examination - "Damn it, it looks fine except for -"

"What's wrong with it?" Deidara called out, making him snap.

"We don't know yet, Dei; we just got out of the car!" _Kisame was right, only I should let Sasori crush that esophagus in place._

Tobi wrapped his arms around himself and looked about at the monstrously shadowed forestry surrounding them. The mist whispered in the trees, and the moonlight continued to glow, casting silvery beams throughout. "Come on, we don't need to be out here in the dark. I'm scared!"

Itachi snorted as he looked up at his childish companion. "Of course you are scared. You're scared of the house, you're scared of the dark and other things. There is NOTHING wrong with these woods." _Compared to the house._ He snarled and growled at the same time when Deidara yelled out again, this time asking if they were all right. "Yes, idiot, we are fine, so will you please be quiet?" he shouted. He wished these distractions around him would just let him take a look at what happened to his precious luxury which had been thoroughly examined only yesterday when he got off work.

"Oh, dear, Tobi hear something!"

"Tobi, you hear _nothing!"_ Except he _did_ hear the cracking of twigs...and the low growls in the distance. Quickly, Itachi snapped his head up and saw what made Tobi scream his name and begin to take off running ahead.

 _Zombies are chasing us._

"ITACHI, WAIT FOR US!" Deidara howled, having climbed out of the back of the car with Sasori and now found himself thrown over one shoulder as the couple hurried after him and Tobi. Itachi had little time to have a closer look at their assailants and followers, all growling and snarling, chasing them with great speed like one of those modern American beasts.

Every one of them had a horrendous form of decay, with flesh falling off to reveal dried blood, sinew and rotted teeth as well as vivid eyes filled with thirst for flesh and blood.

Itachi Uchiha never used to be afraid of the dead, or living dead, not even as a child - but now his life and his friends' were at stake on this night which was also the anniversary of his parents' tragedy - the night which also tore him and his _otouto_ apart.

Tobi ran the fastest out of all of them, so it was difficult to catch up, but when he and the couple caught up on either side, the masked man suddenly tripped and ran off the road, rolling down a small hill and in the direction of another road. Deidara yelped in horror as he and his boyfriend slid down after Tobi, and Itachi was behind them, being the one to look behind them and seei that they had lost their undead followers, making him frown.

 _Ghosts, clowns, and now zombies. What else will follow us tonight?!_

"Whoa, un, they must be that dumb!" Deidara cried when they all skidded to a halt at the end of the hill. He looked over and grunted as he lay on top of Sasori before sliding off and standing, flinching without his needed canes, but the redhead stood and placed one arm around his shoulder while his other went around the waist. "What do we do now? We don't even have a car, Itachi!"

He growled through his teeth and wiped his brow. He was breaking out into sweat, his ponytail coming undone, and knew his friends were in a similar state from all of this. His brother, Naruto and the bastard Kisame were still at the house, and he knew it. Kisame stayed behind because he didn't believe in the supernatural; after tonight, Itachi wasn't sure he wanted to trust Kisame for a while if something happened to his baby brother or Naruto who was also like family to him, even if they didn't always get along...or was he being too harsh and thinking rashly because of all of THIS?

"Oh, weasel!" Sasori exclaimed, waving his free hand in the air, and the Uchiha followed his gaze. Faintly were headlights coming from the south end of the road. They might get help, after all! "Look, we might be saved!"

Itachi stayed by, watching as the trio did the waving for him, not counting on it at all in case their hopes were too high, and who knew when or if those demons were going to find them again - but he was proved wrong as the vehicle turned out to be a rusted but otherwise well-functioning pickup truck, with a cross and rosary beads as well as a triangle-within-a-circle symbol hanging from the rearview mirror. The group gasped when they recognized it as well as who the driver was.

"HIDAN!" they all yelled when he paused his vehicle and stared at them with bulging eyes.

"What the hell? You assholes doing something shady since I left?" he demanded, though he was smiling. "I am just leaving my church only to come and find you all waving for me. You look like you are all on that stuff - or like you saw a ghost or something."

"Actually," Tobi said with a gulp, "it was zombies."

The white-haired priest stared at them all for a moment before roaring with laughter. "ZOMBIES?! That's a good one! You sure it ain't teenage dipshits playing with you?"

"No, bastard," Deidara snapped, "we were being chased after Itachi's car broke down when we were running away from his house -"

"Wait, HIS house? Itachi, what is going on?"

The Uchiha glared at him. "Before I become obliged to answer that, will you do us all a great favor by letting us in and taking us back to my house? My brother, Kisame and Naruto are still there and in trouble because we left in a great hurry."

"Sheesh, you leave your kid brother, Shark-Face and the other blondie -" Hidan smirked at a flushed Deidara. "- because you were in a hurry from what exactly?" Tobi just couldn't keep his yap shut and chose to delay the return and rescue mission at hand.

"Ooooh, the ghost of Orochimaru, then a clown -"

Itachi turned and gave him the most murderous glare he could muster. Poor idiot shut up and whimpered then and there, but before anyone else could say a word, his mobile went off much to his own irritation. However, when he turned it on, the caller was named UNKNOWN, making everyone gasp; even Hidan was surprised.

"Damn it, Itachi," Deidara said, "don't answer that! I saw it in a movie - and the one who answers the phone always ends up DEAD!"

Sniffing, Itachi agreed with him along with the rest...but he answered anyway. If he could risk death now, at least he was surrounded by cohorts. "Who the hell is this?" he demanded, then felt his blood go cold at the slithering voice that didn't belong in the world. Tobi let out a wail that reached the night air and ran to Hidan's side for protection in vain, and Deidara and Sasori still held onto each other.

 _ **"It was not wise to leave your brother here alone, or the other two. If you really wish for me to take all three as intended, then come back, Itachi Uchiha. As a matter of fact -"**_ There was a disgusting wet slurping sound as if a tongue licked at the phone, making his stomach roll and the others moan. He narrowed his eyes even though the person on the other end could not see him. _**"- I am considering Sasuke-kun as the possibility."**_

"Now, see here, you -" Furiously, the line was cut off before he could make his threat. That bastard, whoever he was, had Kisame and the boys hostage, and they needed to go back there, but WHO would they be dealing with? Growling, Itachi demanded, "Who the hell are you?"

"I b-b-believe Tobi knows, Itachi," the masked man quivered, swallowing and getting all eyes on him. "It was...Orochimaru himself."

 **Anyone else have shivers up their spines or is it just me? :S Stay tuned for the great climax.**


	7. Showdown with the Snake

**So sorry to keep you all waiting. Tech issues with getting chapters updated, but now things are back to normal.**

 **The end is here, and I feel it. :D I'm happy with the flow and have no regrets, and please leave a review.**

Chapter Seven

Showdown with the Snake

Deidara did not like any of this one bit. _Clowns...zombies...and GHOSTS!_

Now you ask him what the hell they were going to do now that _Orochimaru_ just got Kisame and the boys hostage as he said over Itachi's phone, which was a major red flag in the danger book. In the movies, in the books and everything with and about the spirits of the dead which would come out at a specific time of year - or any time they wished - and in this case was one "snake" slithering over the speakers about Itachi's younger brother.

The blond had never been so scared in his life, not even on the past Halloweens of his life. Sasori had never been so flipped, either. His partner hardly reacted this way, always being the big man - but oh, boy, his redhead danna was losing his wits, though Tobi was a wreck and sniveling between them.

Itachi sat in the front, right next to Hidan, glaring at the road ahead and sometimes down at his phone in case the specter tried again. He'd already tried Sasuke's phone, with the speaker on, and of course, Orochimaru hissed that _**"calls are futile. Don't try the law if you want things worse."**_ _The law is definitely out of the question. Whatever happens tonight stays between us all even if one or all of us die._

Oh, man, he didn't want to die; he didn't want to die! He was too damned young!

Hidan wasn't helping much even though he was _trying._ "I got all the goddamned equipment loaded from the church," he was saying, "and with my own jar of the remaining sacrificial goat's blood for a souvenir to place beside my bed, so I could make a good ass candle out of it." Deidara felt his stomach churn then and there, slapping his hand over his mouth. He really wanted to throw up now from everything tonight and now hearing about this. "The holy water, the family scythe, the scripture..."

"Yeah, un, anything to banish the ghost of Orochimaru?" Deidara cut in impatiently.

"Son of a bitch lived in the time of my great-granddaddy finding the family communion. In fact, I must add that Great-Granddad's own sister was one of the last victims before that bastard was gunned down by the police force." Hidan sighed as if deep in sentimentality, before his eyes flared up; Deidara, his boyfriend and Tobi saw this from the back in the rearview mirror. "Never learned what became of Oro-perv's remains, either. So many of us think they were left behind where he was shot all the way to hell..."

Itachi spoke up for the first time in a while. "Which means that if we find the remains - if it's possible - then we destroy them, and perhaps it could send him away for good," he said, almost quietly, stirring the entire car.

Deidara felt the cold sweat come forth. _Oh, yes...just like in the movies. Destroy the remains or an icon that was part of their old life, and the spirit goes away...but what if that doesn't work?_ He worriedly looked between Sasori and Tobi, then Itachi and Hidan in the front. Sasori was scowling deep in thought, and it was obvious how the masked buffoon was taking this. Hidan's brow was furrowed, although he was smirking with so many ideas that a priest could conjure up when it came to exorcism, evil spirits and so on...and Itachi was glaring ahead at the road over whatever the madman's ghost could be doing to his little brother, Kisame and the blond clown himself.

~o~

"Holy shit, teme," Naruto whispered fearfully, clinging to him, "it IS him!"

 _Orochimaru...the myth is true. Whose voice could it be?_

Kisame bared his teeth as he glared up at their surroundings. "Whoever the hell you are, you don't scare me!" he called up, clenching his fists. "I've got more than you think I do, and I know you won't have the impact last for long on Itachi and the boys! They'll be back; I know it!"

Sasuke glared up at him. "Shark-Face, being tough won't be enough. Neither will just standing here. Itachi said to fight back if necessary," he said. _Sasuke, you might be scared underneath as I am in the face of danger...but damn it, yeah, at least you're taking one of your big brother's words of wisdom to heart._ Naruto flashed his million-watt grin.

But then he felt it slip when he remembered what Kisame said about a _clown._ "Ummm...you said something about a clown..."

"Yeah, but I didn't see one," the man grunted. "If there IS one, then it's some jokester scaring us all." His brows creased then. "If so, might be the one talking to us from wherever the hell -" On cue, the voice interrupted him and hissed, followed by a disgusting slurp as if licking lips.

 _ **"Oh, no need to ponder your useless theory any further. The buffoon within these walls is of no concern to me. I won't make myself known unless necessary."**_ There was a pause before a giggling chuckle broke out. _**"And I have seemed to have found my prize and at a perfect timing."**_

"If you really are Orochimaru," Sasuke returned, "then you really did a damned good job picking tonight of all nights!"

 _Only...why now? And why US?_ Naruto began to bite his nails as he thought of himself being next on the list, or to lose his best friend - and this big guy looking like a shark in front of them? He wasn't close to Kisame Hoshigaki, but the guy was Itachi's friend and therefore their big protection at the moment. The three of them had to work together - but HOW do you fight against something you couldn't see?!

Shit, this was _worse_ than the movies.

And the answer received made him nearly pass out, while Sasuke stood by his side and growled at the unseen marauder; Kisame clenched his fists and looked around the room for any kind of weapons they could use to defend themselves. Naruto hadn't been there for some time now, but he remembered the Uchiha family having a somewhat armory of every kind of weapon from their ancestral times. But conventional weapons against an evil spirit who would show himself only when he wanted to? He gulped.

 _ **"Who else than dear Sasuke? The one I watched all this time, and I confess I have never seen such a poor tortured soul as he in all my condemned years..."**_

Oh, now he was going to puke...and he did just that. That moment of weakness was enough for Kisame to whirl around and scoop him up, Sasuke following him and the three of them running up the stairs. They made way for Sasuke's bedroom, closing and locking the door. _The bedroom has to be the safest._

"Ugh, now Itachi and I have a mess to clean up," Sasuke complained, locking the door, but damn it, a ghost could get in if he wanted to.

Naruto glared at him as Kisame put him down. "Can we forget about the vomit and remember the fact that THE Orochimaru is out there, outside that door?!"

Sasuke pressed his back against the door and exhaled, glowering at the floor. "He was supposed to be just a joke," he said sharply. "But we all heard his voice, we heard what he wanted..." The shine on his forehead was there. "And my brother and the assholes left us all here!" he said angrily, glaring up at Kisame who shrugged and stepped back by one.

"Alright, I admit, I didn't think I'd fall for this. But what the hell do we do now? I should have done what Itachi asked and got us all out of here." _Oh, yeah, Fish Man, you should have done it for all our sakes!_

Naruto sat up and raised his voice. "You guys, we have better things to think of now instead of fighting. So, how about we get the hell out of here -"

 _ **BANG!**_

He screamed and jumped off the bed and into Kisame's arms as all attention was directed towards the window. Now all three of them screamed like girls at the sight of the CLOWN at the window. THIS WAS WHAT GOT ITACHI, SASORI, DEIDARA AND TOBI OUT OF HERE?!

The monstrous circus freak waved at them once before reaching up to take its face off. The calm washed over them before dismay took place when they saw who it was, and Sasuke was the one to stalk over and tear the window open to let the person in.

"Choji, what the hell are you doing?!"

~o~

"Okay, bastards, we arm up and storm in to cleanse the Uchiha house once and for all; how does that sound?"

 _Hidan...you're too revved up for your own good. My brother is in danger, and so are Kisame and Naruto. It's life-or-death._ Itachi stood with Tobi and the couple as they gathered around Hidan's truck which was now parked not that far away from the house; to be exact, in the street and down the block. The streets were cleaned by now, which meant all families were safe at home at this hour of the night.

There lay in the back of the pickup was an array of "holy tools": the water, goat blood as well as salt and such, and assorted blades and guns. "Holy shit, you're above and beyond the average Holy Man," Deidara gasped, paler than the ghosts that scared them all tonight. "What do you do, witch hunts?!"

"Close enough. Tonight wasn't eventful, but you all say that the damned Orochimaru came forth from that damned board of your brother's!" Hidan declared when he looked at Itachi in the eyes. "Now we send him to hell from whence he came!"

"Idiot," Sasori spat, "don't you realize that your boasting will send us all to death? This is what happens in the movies!"

"S-S-Sasori, this is real life, not the movies!" Tobi insisted. "You saw it all yourself! Look, we have Hidan, what we have to make do with...and didn't Sasuke also tell us that Orochimaru's body was never found?" He looked at the Uchiha who pursed his lips.

 _The remains still there...wherever they are, that must be the answer. If we destroy the remains, will it be the end of this?_

"Yes," Itachi said finally, accepting a weapon which was a gun; he watched as Tobi was given an equal weapon of holy water, and both Sasori and Deidara were given a crossbow. The redhead wasn't letting his lover go no matter what, and because of Deidara's condition, it was necessary. Now Hidan himself carried his blessed crucifix and armed himself with a loaded rifle and assorted blades around his waist, ready to hunt. The white-haired man beamed, his teeth bright in the dark.

"Then it's settled: we find the remains and then blow them all to hell, bless the house again and sing praises to Jashin." Itachi rolled his eyes, but nodded. Anything to get tonight out of the way, since Orochimaru WAS said to be awake on Halloween, and if he ever came back in the future, he would gladly fight to the death for his brother and his friends around him.

Then all was broken out in a howl to the moon.

"OH, NO! THEY'RE BACK!" Tobi screeched, diving behind Hidan. All eyes snapped ahead...and there stood three zombies like the ones seen in the distant road before the Jashinist came to their aid. Itachi growled and stalked over, raising his gun and was prepared to shoot. He had no time for this; Sasuke, Kisame and Naruto waited for them and needed them -

Then one of them screamed and lifted both hands for surrender, making him halt and raise both eyebrows - before all three raised their hands to their heads and pulled their MASKS off.

"No, Uchiha-san, it's just us!" Rock Lee, one of Sasuke and Naruto's friends, cried, still raising both his hands. "Don't shoot us! We all were just -"

Deidara's eyes bulged before reverting back to normal, and his features twisted furiously. "Oh, un, a prank! I should have realized it! You damned brats really went too far, didn't you?! Just to get back at us for ruining the party earlier?"

 _If this is the case..._ "You really have pushed my buttons too far now," Itachi snarled when Kiba Inuzuka and then Shikamaru Nara showed themselves. "In the morning when Detective Morino learns about this, you're all in for it now. But right now, I have better problems to deal with, and my brother and Naruto are in there needing us rather than the lot of you." He nodded for Hidan to lead the way, but they were all stopped when Kiba protested.

"Before you do, we haven't heard from Choji. He was the clown, and he hasn't come back to us yet. We don't know if something happened..." He trailed off then and there, turning white as if he'd seen a ghost...

"Oh, the fat kid was the circus freak, wasn't he?!" Deidara said angrily, kicking a piece of gravel ahead of him. "Un, he's going to face my wrath!" Sasori shook him gently to quiet and calm down, holding onto his forearm with one hand and their shared weapon in the other.

Itachi turned around to calmly look at him. "As much as I agree, right now seems we have four people in need of our help." He returned his attention to the other three. "I don't have time to explain to the three of you, but we could use your assistance. Hidan, Lee, Tobi and I will go through the front entrance, and Sasori and Deidara will join Inuzuka and Nara in the back. Once we are inside, we will decide who to split up without being in small numbers. The more of us together, the higher chance we have of survival and getting out with the hostages intact."

~o~

Choji just had to come at a time like this - and he had to find out that their FRIENDS had orchestrated the clown scare, and the snack-lover had told the three of them this: at the present, Shikamaru, Kiba and Lee were the ones busy in zombie gear against Itachi and his gang.

 _Well, glad they did more of the job for us...but look now. It's just us four._

"I knew it, I knew it," Kisame had said with a baring of the teeth that made poor Choji shrink into Naruto, "and Itachi had to run out with the scared little girl crowd when I was telling them all along -"

"I tried to tell Kiba it wasn't needed, and the cops had already been on him as it was; I said that this was going to be enough trouble as it was!" Choji, still in clown gear sans mask, insisted as he and Naruto sat down on the edge of the bed, with Sasuke and Shark Face standing over them like interrogators. "He had made the best party ever this year, so he wanted to pay back Itachi for interrupting again! He did orchestrate the toss-out," he added when he nervously looked up at Kisame whose leer got bigger and bigger with each "tasty" revelation. Sasuke confessed that, despite the bigger threat outside that door of his bedroom, he was enjoying this and couldn't resist a small grin to one corner of his mouth.

Naruto gulped and stifled a giggle. "I think all of that was pure genius. I would have loved to see the cold-faced Itachi screaming and running for his life if he did..." He trailed off when he remembered this was no laughing matter. He gulped. "But now they've left us here with a GHOST."

"The ghost of Orochimaru?" Choji exclaimed, eyes bulging before returning to normal. "Oh, hell, Ma and Pop used to tell me about him." His poor face broke out in the sweats, as well. "Oh, man, oh, damn...we're all going to die, aren't we, Sasuke?"

All eyes were on him. He reeled. _Oh, they assume_ I _have the plan! Just great..._

And then it dawned on him. That bastard wanted _him_ , right? Maybe...

 _Itachi, I might do you a favor. You've put up with me all this time, but all I had been was nothing but a burden to you. I hated you for hounding me after our parents died, I hated you for never paying attention to me, and so many other things...but you were all I had left of our family. You felt like you failed me in every step of the way. And the last time we spoke, I said I hated you,_ aniki...

He felt the tear slip down his cheek. He hoped no one noticed, but Naruto had the hawk eye. Perhaps he could give himself up so his friends and Kisame were safe - then Itachi if he ever came back. If he had to say so, in addition, Itachi might come back for them...

He wasn't going to accomplish anything by just standing here. "No," he said in answer to Choji's question. "I am going back out there. I'll deal with him myself."

All three pairs bulged out into white balls comically, and the cries were all mixed up.

"Sasuke, you TEME! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING! YOU THINK I'LL STAND BY AND LET THE LIKES OF THAT SNAKE-GHOST PIECE OF CRAP TAKE YOU AWAY?!" Naruto erupted, face burning furiously.

Choji had enormous tears streaming down his face. "Oh, hell, and I thought tonight would just remain like real life always has been, and we never had to worry about real ghosts, goblins and all that!"

"Kid, you have any idea what this will do to your big brother?!" Kisame demanded when he stalked over and put both hands on Sasuke's shoulders. "You think that would resolve all your issues with Itachi?! You think you're doing us all a big favor like this? I say we do the smart thing according to that damned story and stay in here until Itachi and the others get back."

Sasuke glared at them all, furious beyond belief. Just sit here and do nothing? That was the last thing he wanted to do.

Little did he - and the rest - know was that Itachi and the others DID just return and were now on the hunt for the "hostages" and the unseen menace within the walls of the Uchiha house.

~o~

Everyone was here, and now both groups - his own and the other's - were facing each other and with each of their goals in mind. He and Hidan were going to stay downstairs and set up the Jashin rites. Hidan's family deity was like no other death or eternally living god in existence, but he wasn't Shinigami, either.

"We set up the circle here," Hidan announced, sliding his weapon over one shoulder as he immediately got to work with the goat's blood he brought in, explaining that it was necessary to create the emblem and recite the scripture. "The rest of you know what to do." Tobi stayed with them since he would only get in the others' way, no offense. Even though Itachi Uchiha's history with his brother's and Naruto's friends was far from cordial, he trusted their judgment enough tonight to their roles.

Lee and Kiba would go look for their friends and Kisame, leaving Sasori, Deidara and Shikamaru to hunt the basement, because where else would the skeletal remains of Orochimaru be after all these years?

"You can count on us, Uchiha-san!" Rock Lee declared, and Kiba grinned like the dog lover he was, then the both of them were up the stairs, but it wasn't long-lived. Both boys screamed, and from where he was, Itachi saw why and swallowed. The trio before him and his group saw, too, but he urged them to hurry on with their part before it was too late.

A great long appendage of shining, silver-tinted white scales lashed out at the boys, but they had such great reflexes they dodged it. There was no mistaking it to be a _snake's tail._

 _Orochimaru is either in snake form, or he summoned one on his own._

He decided to grab his weapon and join the fight since Hidan and Tobi made do without him. The damned thing's body blocked Sasuke's bedroom door, which made it possible to assume that his brother, Kisame and Naruto were all in there and may not have been touched by the ghost, after all. However, it was too early to breathe a sigh of relief. Kiba was held upside down around the ankle by the serpentine demon...and Itachi found himself face-to-face with a snake face bearing yellow eyes and a wild mane of dark hair, nothing humanistic or even remotely demonic - but a gruesome combination. Snarling, Itachi threw himself over, narrowly missing the thing's jaws which advanced his way.

Having gone to the dojo for years, Itachi knew various forms of _ninjutsu,_ which many of the town familiarized and passed onto their next generations since founding times. With a yell, Itachi brought a kunai blade down onto the serpent's jaw, causing a terrible hiss of pain and a snapping close of the deadly fangs.

He landed on his side and in front of the door he needed in no time. He slammed on it harshly. "SASUKE! NARUTO, KISAME!"

The door opened, and he found himself in a suffocating hold and a burst of breathless sobs.

"Itachi, I'm so sorry!" his brother cried, holding onto him. The elder stilled, a wave of indescribable emotion washing over him when it was the wrong time. Sasuke hadn't done this since their parents died. Nevertheless, he returned the embrace before releasing Sasuke in time for Kisame and Naruto to fly past them and barely miss the giant white serpent which focused its attention on the energetic and howling Lee.

"No, you don't get any of this! Not after you face the wrath of springtime youth and the allied forces combined!" Impressively so, his kick struck back the tail that came at him again; Kiba had fallen but regained himself and was now running for the stairs. Which was their cue to make way while the damned monster was distracted. Itachi admitted that the most "youthfully energetic" of Naruto and Sasuke's friends had the situation covered for them...but he hoped the young lad wouldn't be devoured on this night before his time would be up.

~o~

When the three of them made it to the basement, they all heard the commotion, but there was no time to stay and see, because they had to hurry down the basement, and thankfully, Shikamaru had enough time for an explanation and idea as to where the body could be hiding...and it might as well take them all night, but not for long.

"For all we know, the bones could have been hidden within the brick walls."

 _The walls...oh, willies, again._ Deidara was always scared of things in the walls. Like, often they were stowed away because the fear of the police as well as damaged reputation would overtake reason - but his thoughts were interrupted when Sasori sneered as he helped Deidara down the stairs because he'd lost his canes somewhere in the house. "Are you sure it isn't buried in the ground somewhere? If so, then we'd require pickaxes and shovels, and we might all die before we save our skins."

"Look," Shikamaru said in exasperation as he turned on the lights, "the walls are obvious choices -"

They ventured deeper and deeper, avoiding the old costumes and towers of boxes, instead finding exposed brick beyond the barriers. Gulping, Deidara looked upon the expanse, threatening to break out or wet his pants again, but he forced himself to be brave, because Itachi would have his head if he wasn't - but it seemed fate was "kind" to them when it seemed they didn't have to break down the walls.

Several bricks erupted forward, debris flying into their eyes, but that wasn't all. Deidara heard himself shriek before screaming when a SKELETON came forward and landed right onto him. Sasori and Shikamaru flinched and coughed out what had gotten into their mouths before helping get the cursed thing off of him. The Nara kid held the complete bag of bones a good distance - before something shiny caught their attention.

Around the skeleton's neck was an _amulet._ Golden bronze, with the center swirling with a snake of dull silver, extending its fangs and slithering out its tongue. _The skeleton of Orochimaru himself._

~o~

 _"Itachi, I'm so sorry!"_

His brother had come as he'd known he would. The first thing Sasuke did was throw himself onto Itachi and weep, cry out those words. He wanted so much to have Itachi as his brother again, to say more, but there was a great crisis: a giant white snake with a demonic human head was attacking them.

Lee was a fabulous, energetic fighter and won the championship in the last two years. "No, you don't get any of this! Not after you face the wrath of springtime youth and the allied forces combined!" he yelled, striking a blow to the tail that lashed his way, no longer paying attention to Kiba who was now flipped out of his pants, running for the stairs which Naruto and Kisame were now bounding for, but the dobe was far more panicked than the shark man was. Itachi held onto Sasuke as the brothers followed - but Sasuke wasn't happy with this. He hated being weak; he wanted to save Lee, and he knew one way to step in against this white demon with yellow eyes and shocking, coarse-looking dark hair.

Downstairs, near the bottom of the stairs, Hidan was just finishing painting the floor red with a strange emblem of a triangle within a circle - _blood._ Sasuke's stomach lurched, but he didn't pay attention to that any more than towards the THING Shikamaru, Sasori and Deidara were hauling towards the Jashin priest - and it was a _skeleton._ _Orochimaru's. If it was in the basement like I thought, then oh, good. Destroying the remains is all we have to do._

He tore from his brother's hold and ran in the other direction. "Sasuke!" Itachi yelled to him.

"I have to help Lee!" he shouted back over his shoulder. "I won't let my friends die!"

Naruto joined him on the bat then and there. "I'm right with you, teme! If you're going to kick snake ass, I'm going to stop being a chicken now and help you! All of you, stay here and help with the destruction of the skeleton!" All voices in the air were more than happy to agree. Tobi clapped happily at his bravery, and Deidara raised his hand and gave a small wave before it turned into a thumbs up which made Sasori roll his eyes but smile. Kisame was all but snickering that two teenage boys were going to jump into the action while the rest of them stayed down. Kiba and Choji were at the end of the stairs, giving them the thumbs up, too, but Lee...

Now here they were in the family armory, and the first thing Sasuke Uchiha saw that was perfect for him was on the wall, on a mantle: the Sword of Kusanagi. Hilted with black, the blade measured to be longer than average, but the exact length was never cared to be recorded. However, it was capable of cutting through anything in its path. "Let's put this to the test, Naruto!" Sasuke said, pulling the heavy weapon from its place. "Get what you have to!"

The blond picked up a _bo_ stick, making him roll his eyes and snort. But what did it matter? They had each other's backs, so what could go wrong?

They passed the group which surrounded Hidan, all holding onto each other; Itachi was alone and beside the white-haired man himself who was holding up a gold-and-silver charm - a snake pendant - over the remains which had been poured over with salt and holy water, and he chanted in a foreign language that the Uchiha brothers and the rest could not understand. In Hidan's other hand was a jagged blade handled with smooth leather and etched on the hilt with the same crest for his god.

Sasuke's legs burned when he ran up the stairs with the weapon, Naruto behind him. The snake had Lee knocked against the wall beside the top of the stairs - and those vicious yellow eyes and deadly fangs dripping with saliva were directed at him and his friend, both staying frozen in place.

That voice - _**"Sasuke, it's just us now - but your little friend is in the way."**_

He quickly stepped before Naruto protectively, and in return, the dobe stuck his tongue out. "Like hell your scaled ass will take my friend, you rotten bastard!" He whipped out the long stick he held while Sasuke followed suit and brandished the great sword. The sight only made the serpent laugh.

 _ **"You want a fight, I see. Well, then...you are MINE, SASUKE!"**_

With that, the great white snake that was Orochimaru lunged forward, hissing and hungry for him...

...but he landed atop the head and brought down the blade on the back of the neck. He wanted to deliver a fatal blow, and so he aimed to try and cut this guy's head off. He enjoyed a challenge, but because he wasn't what you would call an experienced fighter, he wished to draw this to a close as quickly as possible. Whatever Hidan was doing - if it were an exorcism, and the skeletal remains were important - then that would really end the job for Sasuke.

And delivering a fatal slice was what he did, for the blade cleanly cut through hard scales, muscles, sinew and bone. The head and great body collapsed onto the floor of the hallway. Gore poured out from the headless length, a putrid smell reaching his nostrils and Naruto's. The blond pinched his nose and flinched.

"Ew, that smells worse than the garbage at school - but WHOO, SASUKE, YOU DID IT!" Naruto hollered, going over and surprising him with bringing down the stick on the severed head with a **WHACK** that slackened the jaw. The yellow eyes remained opened, unseeing, but while Sasuke was relieved and satisfied at the sight, he knew this was still far from over. Knowing those damned movies and stories, the culprit would always come back.

 _But if the snake is done for, then maybe the man will appear himself now._

"Come, Naruto!" Sasuke yelled, grabbing the other by the shirt and running down the stairs, not before they both stopped to help Lee stand and hurry down to join the others. Itachi was before them, taking his turn with Lee and supporting him just as Hidan was holding up the amulet higher with the knife. He was done with the sacred rites and now spoke loudly with his own foul language which Jashin didn't seem to ever care about - "Begone to hell, Orochimaru bitch-ass, from whence you came!" - but why should Sasuke? It wasn't like he'd ever been scared of death...

...except he'd been that night the car had been purposefully crashed into. The car which had himself, his brother and their parents. By a competitor who had been placed in prison for only a minimum of the deserved sentence. Orphaning him and placing Itachi on the pedestal of responsibility for his baby brother who was also all he had left.

 _And I turned on my own brother because I didn't know how to deal with growing up so quickly._

"You guys should have seen Sasuke!" Naruto was saying excitedly despite the fact everyone was far from thrilled. "He cut off the head of the beast!" Except it seemed the declaration had more of an effect than intended, for grins and applause sounded from everyone, except Hidan who was in the middle of the ritual - and this was applying goat blood to the amulet in the Jashin crest with the knife - before chilling laughter filled the air once more. The air became as cold as the one unseen who began to speak again.

 _ **"Did you truly think that your puny cutting of the head could end the likes of me, Sasuke-kun?"**_

Silvery smoke materialized before them all. Deidara and Tobi howled in horror and threw themselves onto Sasori and Choji, Kiba cowering behind a scowling Shikamaru if remaining on both feet. Itachi narrowed his eyes as he stood before his younger brother and Naruto.

This man was Orochimaru.

Long black hair, pallid skin and the same eyes - the entire face looking very much like a vampire with the excuse called flesh stretched over the bones. His smile stretched ear to ear, then baring his teeth and parting them to let an abnormally long tongue slither out and lick his lips, drawing moans of despair and disgust.

Hidan had such perfect timing when he swore and brought the knife down to the amulet he'd slammed to the wooden floor next to the skeleton. "Let Jashin judge you for the agony you caused those in your time!" The strike to the center of the pewter snake amidst dull gold caused a deep, fragile crack to split the charm in half.

Orochimaru's eyes widened with unbridled horror.

 _ **"NOOOOO!"**_

Sasuke held onto Itachi from behind as he watched along with his brother, Naruto, and their friends as the pale ghost disoriented into a formless mist which began to crackle with bits of lightning as the one thing that kept his spirit alive but dormant for decades was destroyed before his very eyes.

The smoke spiraled about at random before going forth and being suctioned into the broken halves of the snake pendant...and it was back together as though nothing had happened.

To follow: the skeletal remains crumbled into dust.

All was silent, save for heavy breathing and shock that it was all over. And the clock was well after midnight, but no one truly paid attention to the exact time. It was very late, and yet the forces of evil had been defeated. The Uchiha brothers and their friends all remained in their places for a long time, staring at the remains of the rite that ended with a success, their lives all saved, and the handful of the lot held onto their loved ones in case of Sasori and Deidara, the remainders looking about with great relief...and now Sasuke found himself looking up into the eyes of his brother.

He didn't think he'd see Itachi's eyes shine, threatening to spill the tears. The message was crystal clear: _My brave little brother._ The younger threw his arms around the elder, weeping softly and witnessed by Naruto who was on the verge of blubbering, Kisame snickering to himself, and the rest of them were dusting themselves off from some of the bone matter that had gotten onto them but trying not to laugh as release of pressure.

"Please...I'm so sorry, Itachi...for everything," he whispered, letting himself cry with happiness that they were alive - and swore to never treat his beloved _aniki_ the way he had again. He wanted to do everything he could to make everything right again. He felt Itachi's arms wrap around him and his lips place a chaste, brotherly kiss on his forehead.

"I love you, _otouto._ "

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, teme!" Naruto hollered, slapping a high five with Kisame who had come beside him just for a better glance.

The dust of bones was being scooped up by a smirking Hidan, in the meantime, while the dark and intense atmosphere slowly lightened up with the reconciling brothers and tearful witnesses in the dead of the night.

 **OH GOD MY HEAD HURTS. Not that I didn't have a great time with this, but I hope the climax is satisfactory enough, and it was even harder because it departs into REAL supernatural, and this ending had to also be where the brothers reconcile in dire circumstances (took Sasuke long enough, huh?), and their friends coming with them to stop the real menace: OROCHIMARU IN SNAKE/GHOST FORM! :O**

 **Reviews appreciated. :) This was extremely fun, slightly different from usual.**


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